Monday, May 18, 2009

A Glimpse In the Window of Marriage

A quiet suburban neighborhood. An evening spring shower has scrubbed the air leaving a fresh and hopeful scent wafting through the three bedroom, one bath rambler. Sunday night winds down in preparation for a long week of hard-working husband bringing home the bacon to his pretty stay-at-home wife and two cherubic progeny.

As bedtime preparations commence, pretty wife takes a rare late-night shower. In an attempt to keep her slender pre-baby figure, she has spent the past hour on the treadmill. The barbecue pork sandwiches she so lovingly prepared for her beaming family are not sitting well in her stomach. She has had a hard time concentrating on her exercise, but she wants to make her husband proud and earn his respect. She has soldiered forth. One cannot enter the marital bed in such a state, so she scrubs and freshens herself up in the shower while her husband finishes his night time routine.

She towels off, all the while discussing the important events of the upcoming week: preschool potlucks, school photo pick-up, menu preparation. Freezing, cramping and farting, she hobbles over to the toilet in a desperate attempt relieve her intestinal discomfort. She looks up to find her husband standing in the doorway with a huge boner.

For better or worse, baby. That ain't no joke.


The Van Goat Ranch said...

OMG! That sounds so familiar. Cringing now.

Rassles said...

Who's the jackass going around saying that farting is unsexy?

They need to talk to your husband.

Anonymous said...

"Pot luck? Did you say Pot LUCK!?"


Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

BWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! That's just awesome. :)

A Free Man said...

Something about earning respect and pride makes me thing that your tongue was stuck in your cheek while typing this one!

Blues said...

oh my god hilarious.

Men and boners. Can not even shit control them?

KJ said...

Good lord. *rolls eyes* Yeah. Mine leaves the door wide open so I can hear him shitting from the kitchen. For a long time I thought he was retarded, but then I realized that he just doesn't think it's gross.

By the way, I tagged you in my recent post. In case you feel like doing a meme.

Irrational Dad said...

Can you blame him? The shower scene got me tingling too! ;)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@VanGoat: Everybody's got a story like this. It's just a matter of being brave enough to admit it. :)

@Rassles: With the way men fart, you'd think they thought it was a pick up line.

@tysdaddy: Crockpot, baby!

@CMGD: I knew you'd appreciate this.

@AFreeMan: So much so I could nearly taste my eardrum. :P

@Blues: A sad testament to how kids can kill a sex life. Gotta take advantage of ANY situation.

@Kat: LOL That's hilarious. We've only got one bathroom, and it's the size of a shoebox. If we weren't over the whole bodily function thing, we'd be in a world of hurt.

@Joe: Ah. The power of words. And a perfect example of how the book is better than the film.

Tawny said...

HAHAHAHA - no one ever prepared me for this when I got married. Eh what are you going to do? Our boundaries went out years ago and I could not be happier. Glad to hear we are not the only ones.

Gypsy said...

I think this is really cause for celebration.

Mouthy Girl said...

I love you! Just simply love you!