Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Vulcan Nerve Pinch Gone Awry

Those of us who have pets know that it is a love/hate relationship. We love when they snuggle with us, we hate it when they eat their own shit and regurgitate it onto the carpet.

Our Birman is a sweet cat. He likes to cuddle, to the point of irritation. Several nights a week he jumps up on the bed and wants to sleep on me. Not next to me. On me. My arm, to be specific. I have to cradle my arm a certain way for him to settle down. If I don't, the Siamese genetic component to his breed gives him a yowl that would wake the dead. This ritual usually starts one way and ends in one of two: I thrash around with my arm trying to find his head. If I scrunch his ears and under his chin and he settles down next to me, we're golden. Otherwise, I knock him off the bed.

A few nights ago, I felt him jump up. He walked the length of my bed and began to pace and turn next to my pillow. I tried to ignore him, but a few kitty chirps turned yowl got my attention. I reached around behind me to get him to shut the fuck up. I grabbed him and, just like you'd tousle a dog's ear, I tried to get him to settle down.

But something didn't feel right.

I turned my head, and...well, I'll be plain about it. I had him by the asshole and what was left of his testicles. Just pinching and scrunching away.

He was quiet, though.


That One said...

Holy cow that's funny. I 'bout shot the water I was drinking out my nose.

RiverPoet said...

Oh girl...I was laughing so hard! I did something similar the other day with my little Russian Blue mix. I thought I was petting her nose, but it turned out to be at the other end. I have never washed so hard.

Beautiful cat you have there, though. They are peculiar animals, aren't they?

Peace - D

Gypsy said...

Oh, that is so, so wrong. And so, so hilarious.

Krishanna Magic said...

Ah- HAHAHAHAA! I have a 25 LB cat who must sleep like that while I am sitting in my recliner or lying in bed. If I do not allow this, I get the butthole in my face, tail UP. Mine is much like the Birman, except he is not at all Siamese. Turkish Angora. LOL

Mouthy Girl said...


Better you than me!

We have a chocolate lab. Buddha likes to point out the obvious every couple of days:

Ranger's got a BIG P-man, Mommy!

Irrational Dad said...

I probably would have vomited.

A big fear of mine is Tyler getting curious about what's just under Delilah's tail. I don't want to walk in the room and see him poking around that area...