Wednesday, March 5, 2008


Let me throw something out here at you. I know you aren't Jesus, but I was wondering what you would do. (Actually, Jesus, if you are reading this, I would appreciate your input just as much).

I found myself contemplating a situation which unfolded a few days ago. Let me state that I am not upset by it. Just unsettled. I believe it is one of those things that because I would not have done it I am not sure what "proper" form would be. Here is the scenario. Tell me what you think:

PreggoFriend came over with her husband and OlderChild. Her husband offered to watch all the kids so the two womenfolk could grab something to eat and have a little chat. Not one to turn down a free sitter, we ran.

After dinner, I paid for her meal because it was awesome that she came down to see me. I also ordered an extra meal to go for her husband so that he would have dinner to bring home since he hadn't eaten. I paid for that, too.

When we got home, it turns out my dad had invited my friend's husband to stay for a steak dinner he was making. So my dad threw out this huge spread, and when we saw this I put the food we brought home in the fridge.

When it was time for them to go, there was lots of crying and chaos from the kids and I never gave them the food. I remembered later on that night, and I thought Well, my dad fed him a huge meal here at home, so that's cool. Oooooh! Now I'll have a yummy lunch tomorrow! WooHoo!

I talked to PreggoFriend on the phone the next morning, never having looked in the fridge. I mentioned something about the forgotten food, and PreggoFriend said Oh no! We came back and got it.

Huh? (I really said that.)

She continued: Oh yeah. We got in the car and were going to drive off when we remembered. So we came back in the house and took the food out of the fridge.

Huh? (This one was in my head.)

So, what is the etiquette here? We ended up feeding him, so should he have taken the other meal? And, if they had indeed forgotten the meal, was it bad form to come back into the house and take the food and walk out with it?

Hubbie and I both agree that if the situation were reversed, we would not have even asked for the restaurant take-out since we would have already eaten. And we certainly would not have walked back into the house and taken it if we had forgotten it.

What would you guys have done? What do you think about it?


jayna said...

First thought is that that is pretty shady.

Feeding someone is one thing, having them raid the fridge for tomorrow's meal is something else.

What would get me the most is that they walked back into your house to get it and didn't even say anything.

highlander1463 said...

Hmmm…this is a conundrum. If the person were a very good friend of mine, I would not care one way or the other. But with that said, I can probably count the number of friends that are that close to me on one finger.

I would not think of walking back into someone’s house (even that one friend) and taking something out of their frig. That amounts to stealing in my book. Get the key back, or change the locks.


bill said...

Holey crapoley, Jebus!! I am pre-ty particular about whom I let rummage around in my fridge. Up here in Politeness World, you barely even poke in your relative's fridge without getting the nod. You asked for opinions, hon - this is just weird, and a little on the rude side.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Ooh, how I hate sometimes (or maybe it's the person at the keyboard...). The above post from bill was actually me! Yes, now I'm actually starting to talk in the 3rd person. I think I need help.

Gerbil said...

wait... they just waltzed back into your house like they owned it??? just how good a friend is this?? i'd be irked about the food but LIVID about the coming back in and helping themselves without even telling you. and i'd definitely be pissed enough to say something about that part.

Chris in Oxford said...

It's a little cheeky, isn't it? Some people are strange about things like that and it sounds like your friend may be one of them.

Hey, by the way, I finally remembered that Fuel song you sent - great fucking song. Thanks for that! I don't know why I've never gotten in to them.

Betsey Booms said...

Actually it's really uncool and janky even.

It might actually be a bit before I asked them back over again, but I'm like that. :)

Momma said...

Ummm..there's no way in hell I would take kindly to that behavior. Like you said, he got fed. That meal was a courtesy so that he wouldn't go hungry after doing a nice thing. That nice thing would have been wiped out, in my book, after they came in and raided your fridge WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE! I can't believe she didn't even pop back in and say, "Hey, you know that food? Were we supposed to take it or...?" At least you could have made the decision.

I think it would be a LOOOOOOONG time before I invited them again.

Peace - D

Anonymous said...

I think your friend is just really comfortable with you and thought of the take-home meal as a gift. She might have felt that, in leaving it there, she was not showing proper gratitude for the purchase. If you were uncomfortable with that, you should just say something casual like, "Oh, don't worry about it, I just thought you were full and didn't need it. I had a great time. We will have to do this again sometime." Every relationship is cross-cultural, whether it feels that way or not, and it is better to assume the best motives and just deal with the actions in a way that doesn't leave you feeling compromised or put-upon. The don't offer to buy take out for the husband next time. And if she doesn't reciprocate by buying your next meal, tell her the next time she invites you that eating out isn't in your budget. I think she's just kind of thick, not particularly bad and she will get the hint.

Anonymous said...

um...yeah, that's pretty fucked up if you ask me. Especially after eating a steak dinner! Geez

And, um...walking back in the house? I take it this was down here? Um, Wow...dude, I have no words!

SSG said...

hmm yeah everyone's comments seem valid but not knowing your friend I dont know if she's dead shy and didnt want to offend in not taking food you bought her for some reason (cultural? stupid?) or if she's stingy and rude. I go for the latter, as the first would be too shy to walk into someone's house without knocking or asking. mental.

Sue said...

I'm on the fence between "that was a bit greedy" and "they thought it was a gift, and it's rude to offer a gift and then take it back later because somebody else offered them the same gift."

So, I guess I'm no help, huh?