Life has been hard, lately. We have been faced with many challenges, and the fortitude I felt moving into the DC area has all but disappeared.
I am worn down. I feel as though I have no strength from which to draw.
I am tired of feeling as if there is no solution.
I am tired of treading water.
I am feeling rootless. I want to settle down. I want to be in a neighborhood that I know will be for a long time. That I can get invested in. I have not had the ability or opportunity to put down roots for years, and it is taking its toll.
This has been the state of affairs for me for quite some time now. Today, on Father's Day, when my spouse is in one state and I am in another it has been another sad and stressful day for me.
Thankfully, for a brief period of time, I have been able to be grateful for the so many things I do have in my life that I just can't always see.
My husband is here. With me. He left his country. For me. For us. For our marriage. For the possibility of future children.
I have spells of guilt during summer days of not living in Sweden anymore, and it is hard for me to know what he is missing. Because I know. I lived it. And I know we are where we need to be for now. That we will be stronger for it.
But tonight? I long for a bright sky at midnight, a walk by Edsviken, dinner on our altan, and maybe a rousing game of kubb thrown in for good measure.
I leave you with my theme for this feeling. Roxette is Swedish. They know of whence they sing. I can't explain it any better than this.
June Afternoon
Didn't I tell you everything is possible
in this deja vu?
Try the river boat, the carousel,
feed the pigeons, Bar-B-Q.
Look at all the people, happy faces all around
Smiling, throwing kisses, busy making lazy sounds
It's a bright June Afternoon, it never gets dark
Wah-Wah! Here comes the sun
Get your green green tambourine, let's play in the park
Wah-Wah! Here comes the sun
Some folks are on blankets, slowly daydreaming
And reaching for their food
Let's go buy an ice-cream
And a magazine with an attitude
And put on a cassette, we can pretend that you're a star
'cause life's so very simple, just like la-la-la
It's a bright June Afternoon, it never gets dark
Wah-Wah! Here comes the sun
Get your green green tambourine, let's play in the park
Wah-Wah! Here comes the sun
There's a painter painting his masterpiece
There's some squirrels jumping in the trees
There's a wide-eyed boy with a red balloon
All my life I've longed for this afternoon
