Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Let's Get Together, Yeah Yeah Yeah

We are into our final two-week countdown to our move, and the past two months have taught me two lessons I didn't really want to learn.

The first lesson involved dropping the we're moving bomb. This was universally followed with the We gotta get together before you go! response. With all the enthusiasm and promises of help, I had hope that maybe this process wouldn't be too bad. Well, I've been on my own with the kids since the middle of September, and until this past Saturday I had zero dinner invitations. Zero. I understand families are busy, but this has been ridiculous. Any adult company, no matter how brief, would have been a much needed breath of fresh air. Now that we are into our final two weeks, I've had offers to take the kids so I can get things accomplished. I am deeply grateful for these offers and am taking advantage of them when I can.

I've come out of this phase realizing that if and when I have a friend that is going through a move, if I promise help I need to follow through. I will go to my friend's house and help with the bedtime routine so she doesn't have to go it alone, if even just for one night. I will bring her a bottle of wine and help her fold laundry while we watch some bullshit prime time television show. I will ask her how she is managing. I will give her a hug and let her know it's okay to be sad. That now that the kids are in bed she doesn't have to be strong.

The second lesson is that adults handle a move very differently. Now that we've found a house and the move is officially under way, my closest friend here has not asked a thing about it. Not the house, not the kids, not me. I have come to realize that in some way she needs to distance herself. It hurts, but I get it. We all have our coping mechanisms, and I do not begrudge her the way in which she needs to deal. I've been surprised, sad, and now resigned. I've realized that all the while I worried about how my children would cope, I never dreamed that the adults wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't love her any less, it just makes the journey a lot more lonely.

6 comments:

Titanium said...

Oh, girl. Yes, yes, yes and yes. There's nothing quite as hollow as the vacuum of an empty space where your life companion is supposed to be. The silence is deafening, even if it's short-lived (and MONTHS don't count as short. Nuh-uh.)

I feel every single one of your words.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

:(
But I'm glad the move is almost complete.

A Free Man said...

Hope everything is going/has gone well. There's nothing more stressful than moving house. I know, I've done it enough! Hope all well with you and yours.

tysdaddy said...

I moved 17 times before graduating from high school. Which is one reason why, after starting to have children, my wife and I have only moved once between major cities. A couple moves in each city, but those really haven't counted.

I hope you and yours are getting settled . . .

andbabybmakesthree said...

Hope everything is going okay. Hadn't seen a post in a while so I wanted to check.

D

Rebecca said...

You know what one of my friends did, after my husband moved down here but before the kids and I joined him? She came over and put masking tape over the covers of something like a hundred spice containers, because the movers required it. I was cleaning out the fridge, and she was taping up my spices, and we were laughing and I was crying because I was going to miss that kind of friend so stinking much.