Thursday, January 14, 2010

And Here I Thought I Was An Awesome Wife

Around the first of this month bloggers listed their resolutions for the new year. Even if it was a resolution not to have a resolution, it is hard to ring in a new year without pondering things one can do to improve quality of life.

We here in the NATUI household don't really do resolutions. Not in January, anyway. I am always one for snap decision-making, so if I want to do something I do not need a holiday to give me permission. This year, however, I thought I would attempt to motivate my husband. See, he works long hours. He sits behind a desk and hates the fact that he is not able to be more mobile during the day. He loves to run, but his schedule has not been conducive to squeezing in even the tiniest jog around the block.

So I thought I would help out.

When we got back to DC, I told him that for the first time in ages I had made a New Years resolution. That for every day he got on the treadmill and completed a minimum of a 20 minute workout, I would give him a blow job.

You would have thought it was Christmas, his birthday and Stanley Cup finals all at the same moment.

I might have heard angels singing.

For him.

But here's the deal. That was January 1st. Today is January 14th, and he still has not taken me up on my offer. Seriously? Granted he has been sick. And exhausted. But I never thought men were too exhausted to work for sex. I think I'm starting to lose a little self-confidence.

One aspect I had forgotten to factor into this resolution was the weather. Our treadmill is out in our addition. Our non-heated addition. It has been 13-damned degrees in the mornings lately. Which means it is 15 degrees in the addition. There is no way that treadmill is certified to function in freezing temperatures. I don't think the belts were made to withstand that kind of cold.

At least that's what I'm telling myself.


Anonymous said...

Ok, that was classic...laughed out loud, thanks for sharing :)

suicide_blond said...

never underestimate the "sacrifices" folks will make to avoid working out..;-)

Anonymous said...

After I read this post, I went and spent an hour on the treadmill. Then I sent an e-mail to my wife with a link to your blog, and the message, "I just did 60 minutes on the treadmill."

Her response:

Great! Looks like you have some things to look forward to! Just let me know what time you think you'll be home from her house.


Mirth said...

Your post was funny enough on it's own and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one making bargains with bjs. However, the wife's response to anonymous was awesome. I don't even know her and I like her!

Not Afraid To Use It said...

@anonymous: I love laugh out louds. It makes me feel like I did my job!

@Suicide Blonde: I know! That is one hell of an avoidance strategy!

@Anonymous: You totally made my day with this comment. I think your wife and I would have too much fun hanging out together.

@Mirth: Can you imagine the three of us with a glass of wine and no kids around? Good times!

Patois said...

Oh dear God, the comments and the post: too good. Too damn good.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

20 minutes is NOTHING! Marry me.

I started my new year's resolution today. I couldn't earlier because I had to be in Arizona for a week (for work) and they feed me too well to do anything different. Anyway, I started the P90X thing today. Wish me luck.