Thursday, June 11, 2009

Being the Bigger Person

Truth be told, I nearly always end up trying to be "the bigger person" when something has gone awry in a relationship. Usually out of pressure from my parents or guilt that I misread the situation. More often than not I am left with a supreme sense of dissatisfaction with myself. My gut instincts tend to be right, and if a person has come to a cut-off point in my life, it has not been a one-time event that lead to my decision.

Momentarily, DC-Driveby is coming over for a play date. I let my dad rather guilt me into it, but truthfully, my momentary lapse in strength and wish to not turn the tables on her led me to contact her. I probably should have just left things well enough alone, but we'll find out soon enough.

I'll update at the end of this post once the results are in.

UPDATE: It was kind of meh. Much better than it could have been, I suppose. I did not bring up the drive-by, and she only did once quickly in passing. She had the opportunity to talk about it, but didn't. Rather than be angry, I suppose this just confirms that she has relegated herself to a lower tier on the friendship totem. I can hang with her on occasion, but she is no longer someone I call to talk about life, liberty and the trials of motherhood.

8 comments:

thecheekofgod said...

Hmm . . . interesting dilemma. Do you play cold and interact only about surface things, or do you bring up old things and see where the conversation goes?

Do keep us posted . . .

buddha_girl said...

I have no words here. I'm in the middle of cutting someone out of my life. Amputation.

I'm not being the "bigger person" anymore. Screw that. I'm done making excuses for someone who is a complete disappointment, someone who betrayed me and didn't think ahead to cover her tracks. She's dead to me now.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@cheekofgod: No, I don't do the play cold thing. A lot of times, when trying to give the benefit of the doubt I think of it as a start from scratch kind of deal. To see if maybe the last time was a fluke or they have grown/matured since I saw them last.

@Buddha_Girl: I emailed you. I am so sorry you are in this position. I know you do not make this decision lightly. You have given more than enough chances. I am hurting for you and Buddha.

Patois said...

At least you know where she's "content" to be in terms of the friendship tier.

A Free Man said...

I reckon that being the bigger person ultimately makes you the bigger person. And that is just where you want to be.

Gypsy said...

I've only recently recognized that having that tier of friendship is acceptable. Better for your own protection.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Patois: Exactly, except every now and then she'll PM me on Facebook telling me how much she misses me.

@AFM: Except that somehow playing the bigger person card feels like it leads to negative karma points. KWIM?

@Gypsy: It's taken me a long as time to get there, and I don't always remember it. But it really is better for our sanity.

Anonymous said...

if it makes you feel any better, I frequently blow off friends in such a manner because I get serious social anxiety on occasion. I also make up very lame excuses for doing so.