Saturday, January 3, 2009

Club Membership of the Worst Kind

When something significant happens in your life, you join the club. Someone in your family contracts a disease or develops a condition? Suddenly, everyone has a story of when their cousin's roommate's grandfather's sister had the same ailment. You become part of the Heart Attack club. The Diabetes club. The Divorce club. The Shit-Canned club. You may not want to become a member, but you really don't have a choice.

Over the past few days, from various home-for-the-holidays sources, I have learned new information on an old college boyfriend. And the creep factor? A ten.

Let me begin by saying that for all intents and purposes, I was a total prude in my youth. I went to college firm in my belief of No Sex Before Marriage. While I believe that attitude kept me out of a lot of trouble, I was also very leery of the ├╝ber-religious types. Living in the South, there are many who wear their "religion" on their sleeve, and actions very rarely ever match their words. I had no patience with anyone who smacked of bible banging, and so I was left out in the cold. If you don't put out, and you don't go to the "right" church, dating options can be quite limited.

I dated this particular guy for a few months, and the relationship sort of ended itself. He was a nice enough guy but had a terrible temper. I was too immature, and he had a lot of baggage. We left things on a fairly friendly note, and he even met the future Mr. NATUI on campus several times.

Come to find out, Road Rage Boyfriend? Is now a minister.

Um, yeah. Let that sink in a second. And not just a minister, but a minister and a therapist.

Now, if he has been able to battle his personal demons and come out on the better side of sensitive and spiritual, I completely respect that. However, the fact remains that I gave a minister a hand job.

In the South, that is probably a very large club, indeed. It is not a membership, however, that I ever thought I would hold.

11 comments:

RiverPoet said...

Wow, you just never know, do you?

I dated a guy once who was a member of a strange religious sect on the outskirts of town (in south Georgia) in which the women supported the family and the men took care of the home. I went out with him because he drove a silver anniversary Corvette and had a major crush on me.

In the end, I couldn't get past the weird religious thing. Nice car, though! :-)

Peace - D

Kat said...

LOL!
Comments usually turn into those clubs - it'll be verrry interesting to see if a club forms below - the "I once gave a handjob to a minister" club!

tysdaddy said...

I imagine he repented at the altar numerous times for his sins . . .

I used to get saved every week . . .

A Free Man said...

What would be the name of that particular club?

The Ministerial Manual Manipulation Club?

The I Jollied my Friar Society?

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

What's that old Woody Allen line? "I never want to belong to a club that would let me be a member"...

You never cease to amuse me, sweetie, or make me LOL.

Yeah, I said that.

Shopper Girl said...

I was thinking that was hilarious, until I started thinking of what has happened to my exboyfriends, turns out I have 3... do you think its me??? LOL I would not have known this without facebook of course

Patois said...

Oh, dear God that is such a freakin' funny way to look at it.

SSG said...

haha too funny. no sex before marriage eh? and riverpoet, there are worse reasons for going out with someone, i think cos of his car is a pretty valid one.

Gypsy said...

Is it bad that this cracked me up?

Joe said...

OMG, Me t..... nope... sorry... I can't even joke about that. I did laugh out loud (at the airport, mind you) when I read this, though.

Bluestreak said...

This one had me laughing hard. You jacked off a preacher. You upped the ante on the cool factor. I like people with stories to tell.