Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Offspring + Hank Willams = Shit

I had thirty glorious minutes to myself this afternoon and took advantage of them by blasting Offspring's Americana in the living room. I have not been able to listen to several of my favorite CDs now that LittleBird repeats everything she hears. It was a rare treat to be able to sing along and jam all on my own.

I heard LittleMan waking up in his room, so I switched out my music from Offspring to Hank Williams. Being that I hate country music but love Hank is a bit of a contradiction, but I have had a hankering for a little whining that is not from my children.

LittleMan and I jammed a bit to my man Hank when he got that look. You know, the red face. The panting. I asked him if needed to poop. Noooo!

After a few minutes of this, I took him to the bathroom. I seated him on the toddler insert that is placed on top of the big toilet. I could see that he needed to go, but he was incensed that I put him on the toilet.

It took maybe 90 seconds for the screaming and crying to stop. I looked in the toilet. And? The most gigantic shit you have ever seen.

He's 19 months old, ladies and gentlemen.

I whooped. I hollered. I high-fived him. He was just excited to flush the toilet and wave bye-bye to the shit.

Fine with me.

So that is my new game plan. Play a little Offspring to get the juices flowing. Play a little Hank bore the shit out of him. Run to the toilet. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.


Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Oooh, LittleMan, rocking the porcelain like a big boy!

I think that a NATUI toilet-training manual is in order, complete w/Offspring & Hank Williams CD insert.

As an aside, if Johnny Cash could sing NIN, could Offpspring sing Hank Williams?

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@BvB: If Mike Ness can do Hank, I think Dexter and his boys could totally do it. I would actually buy that CD rather than just pirate it. LOL

Momma said...

I never thought of Hank Williams as having purgative properties, but hey - if it works, don't mess with it!


Peace - D

buddha_girl said...

Have I mentioned that I am so damn envious?

My kid is 34 months old. Yes. Two months shy of THREE YEARS OLD and refuses to allow his crap to enter the toilet on a regular basis. It's like he's got me on some rationing program with his poo and pee.

I may have to pick up some Hank and see if it works in the Buddha Household.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Momma: Hank DEF has purgative properties. People who hate him music want to puke when they hear it. People who love his music know that singing along makes the blues go away.

@Buddha_Girl: Don't be envious. This was just a fluke in that I happened to catch him as he needed to go and was so constipated that made it to the can before he could get it out. I don't see this happening very often.

Blue Momma said...

Ok, I thought you were cool, but not I see you're just a damn show off!

Nineteen months?? Geeze. I'm pretty much in awe.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Woo hoo! I'm back, baby!

OK, I've got to try that method. I'm getting sick of changing diapers on three kids. Sheesh.

Andrea said...

ROFLMAO! Oh! I had to read this post aloud to my husband to explain why I was laughing... His response?

"You mean you can potty train a 19-month-old?"

We just had this discussion two days ago. Apparently he didn't listen or because he didn't believe me, promptly forgot.

Thank you for setting a great example.

Chris in Flux said...

Offspring and Hank? Why not. I reckon that Hank Williams was more "punk" in his day than The Offspring were in theirs!

Go to any lengths...

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Blue Momma: It will probably bite me in the ass and he won't even look at the toilet until he is five.

@CMGD: Glad to see ya! I think three in diapers would send me over the edge. Want me to burn my Hank Mix for you and mail it down?

@Andrea: Glad to be of service! I hope your hubby takes you seriously now!

@CiF: And THAT is why I am glad that you do keep coming back. Because you GET it man. I still maintain that Hank wrote one of the first rap songs.