Don't Fuck With the Fire Department

Do not ever complain that your afternoon is boring. The universe has a funky sense of humor and will bite you in the ass for the trouble.

My oven is twitchy. It is gas. It is old. It takes a long time for the burner to ignite. I usually open the windows before I turn it on, but I neglected to do so this afternoon. The smell of gas was completely overpowering, and I felt really ill. I managed to get the windows open, but I was dry-heaving like a hungover sorority girl on her way to Sunday morning service.

After I got the house to air out, it occurred to me what an idiot I am. My next door neighbor is a fireman. Since I we moved in I have been trying to remember that we need to go out and buy a CO2 monitor. I figured he would be able to tell me what kind of monitor to buy (latest make/model) so I can keep an eye on the levels in the house.

I took the kids next door and knocked. I told him I was sorry to bother him, but I was hoping he could tell me what to buy.

All hell broke loose.

Over the years I have had good friends who worked for the fire department, and I should have known you can't ask just one question.

He brought us into his house, got his monitor out, took us back to our house.

He got a few chirps on his CO2 monitor and told me he would like to call it in and have somebody come and check it out.

How would I feel about that? Fine, I told him. Whatever you feel is best.

Enter sirens. Enter giant fire truck. Enter three hottie firemen.

Unfortunately, I was still in my neighbor's house with a blistering headache and nauseous as hell.

The kids had a great view through the window.

The end result is they did not find anything alarming. They did get some chirps off of natural gas, so I sent Hubbie to Big Orange Home Improvement Warehouse when he got home for a CO2/Exploding Gas monitor for our kitchen.

I've been reminded to never ask a fireman a random question. It is their job to take things seriously. Make damn sure you want the answer before you ask.

I've also learned that anytime a disaster or near-disaster happens your house will always be a mess, the kids will look like street urchins, and you will spend the rest of the evening hoping CPS doesn't show up at your door.