Monday, April 7, 2008

Don't Fuck With the Fire Department

Do not ever complain that your afternoon is boring. The universe has a funky sense of humor and will bite you in the ass for the trouble.

My oven is twitchy. It is gas. It is old. It takes a long time for the burner to ignite. I usually open the windows before I turn it on, but I neglected to do so this afternoon. The smell of gas was completely overpowering, and I felt really ill. I managed to get the windows open, but I was dry-heaving like a hungover sorority girl on her way to Sunday morning service.

After I got the house to air out, it occurred to me what an idiot I am. My next door neighbor is a fireman. Since I we moved in I have been trying to remember that we need to go out and buy a CO2 monitor. I figured he would be able to tell me what kind of monitor to buy (latest make/model) so I can keep an eye on the levels in the house.

I took the kids next door and knocked. I told him I was sorry to bother him, but I was hoping he could tell me what to buy.

All hell broke loose.

Over the years I have had good friends who worked for the fire department, and I should have known you can't ask just one question.

He brought us into his house, got his monitor out, took us back to our house.

He got a few chirps on his CO2 monitor and told me he would like to call it in and have somebody come and check it out.

How would I feel about that? Fine, I told him. Whatever you feel is best.

Enter sirens. Enter giant fire truck. Enter three hottie firemen.

Unfortunately, I was still in my neighbor's house with a blistering headache and nauseous as hell.

The kids had a great view through the window.

The end result is they did not find anything alarming. They did get some chirps off of natural gas, so I sent Hubbie to Big Orange Home Improvement Warehouse when he got home for a CO2/Exploding Gas monitor for our kitchen.

I've been reminded to never ask a fireman a random question. It is their job to take things seriously. Make damn sure you want the answer before you ask.

I've also learned that anytime a disaster or near-disaster happens your house will always be a mess, the kids will look like street urchins, and you will spend the rest of the evening hoping CPS doesn't show up at your door.


Andrea said...

Wow! What an adventure! I'm glad all is well, though...

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Holy hell!! Is your life EVER boring? Hope the headache and nausea have gone away...

Momma said...

Oh geez! I'm so sorry that happened, but I'm glad you're okay.

I'm with you on how things look when you have a bunch of strangers coming into your house. It's always at its worst. Murphy's Law.

Honestly, I'm a little worried about you in that house. Seems like it has lots of problem. Take care of yourself - Peace - D

Chris in Flux said...

"...dry-heaving like a hungover sorority girl on her way to Sunday morning service."

That's why I keep coming back to your site.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Andrea: Yes, quite an adventure, though I would rather not repeat it anytime soon

@BvB: No, and that is the problem. Nothing normal ever happens to us. Ever.

@Momma: I am sure there are good things about this house, they are just not as fun to blog about.

@CiF: Glad not to disappoint!

buddha_girl said...

Cripes! At least you were able to ogle the hottie firemen through your nausea, right?

I'm glad he was serious and didn't take you for a loonie bin chick when you knocked on his door.

I'm thinking that fucking landlady from hell should REPLACE that damn stove.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

DAMN! Don't scare me like that, woman! Glad you're getting that CO2 monitor.

And, hey. At least the firemen were hotties. You might just have to fake a CO2 leak once a month! :-)

.:| Melissa |:. said...

OH MY!!! Yep, that sounds exactly like my luck! House a mess, kids looking like street urchins!

Once, when my boys were in like 1st and 2nd grade, maybe it was 2nd and 3rd? I don't know, I've slept since then - this was YEARS ago, they're now 25 and 24! So anyway, when I took them to school, I didn't get all dressed or anything. I was usually just in my sweats and a t-shirt. Didn't bother to put on any make up, let alone brush my hair. So I had been having issues with my car dying on me. I let the boys out of the car, and of course my car died. I kept trying to get it to start, but it wouldn't. I beat my steering wheel and then put my head down on it, about to cry, and was praying to God to PLEASE let my car start, when I hear a knock on my driver side window, I look up and a man says, "Ma'am, your car is on fire" Me: WTF??? OMG OMG OMG. Get my daughter out of the car (I think she was about 3) and was going to go and sit on the wall that is in front of the school when daughter starts hollering for her "Howwy" (Hollie Hobbie doll) So I had to "go back in" to save Howwy. Save Howwy and go and sit on the wall, trying to figure out what the hell I should do. I begin crying, cuz OMG (now ex) hubby is SO going to blame this on me! I KNOW he is! That's how he is!! Somebody from the school comes to me and asks me if they can call someone for me,(this was before everyone and their uncles step brother had cell phones) so I had them call my father in law to come and pick me up. Somebody came along with a fire extinguisher and put the fire out. About this time is when I realize that OMG my hair is out to HERE, I have NO make up on, I'm in my sweats, a t-shirt a zip up hoodie and NO BRA either!! I looked like a warmed up pile of shit!! From that day forward, I NEVER went ANYWHERE with out looking decent!! Ok, so at least I always brush my hair and have a bra on! LOL

I SO feel your pain!!

I'm also SO glad that there really wasn't any danger to y'all with any fumes! But, good deal on gettin one of those detectors!

Kat said...

Ooh hottie firemen. But...with yourselves and house looking crappish... not so good. Hope your oven gets better and starts behaving.

Major Bedhead said...

Hottie firemen. Puking sorority girl look. Never a good combination.