Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Can't Take You Anywhere

This is our oven:

Our rental house was built in 1959, and the oven is original. It is a monster. A dinosaur. I loved it when it worked because 36" of oven space is rockin' awesome. Sometime last year the igniter went out. Now, instead of opening a fiery maw producing all kinds of goodness, it is a cobwebbed storage area for my pans.

Not long ago, we took our kids to a local pet store to look at the goldfish, hamsters and birds. It's cheaper than going to the zoo, and less time consuming. As the kids giggled at the birds hopping from one perch to another, I told my husband that we needed to buy a canary to put in our kitchen.

He gave me a blank look. You know, I said. For the oven?

Furrowed brow translated into What the fuck are you talking about?

You know...for the gas? Don't tell me you don't know about canaries in the mines? That they lowered a canary down and if it was dead when they pulled it up that there was too much deadly gas. If the bird is still alive, it is safe. We ought to get one for our kitchen so I can determine once and for all if the oven leaks gas.

Narrowed eyes because he never knows when to believe me.

After I spluttered and laughed and chided him on his lack of cultural information, I was informed that he shouldn't take me out in public.

And I've been banned from going to Petsmart.


Anonymous said...

He shouldn't be caught in public WITHOUT you.

Look out, little yellow birds!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You need to play him "Canary in a Coalmine" by The Police. Seriously. I love that freaking song.

Patois said...

Maybe they didn't use canaries where he hails from.

And did you consider Petco?

Anonymous said...

Did not know that! Maybe you're lucky that the canaries at the pet store didn't attack you! I once had a parrot at the pet store rip a button off of my shirt!

A Free Man said...

So, do you have no oven? That would drive me quickly insane.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

Now you need to go get a little stuffed (and slightly realistic looking) canary. Lay it right in the middle of the kitchen floor for him (and only him... keep the kids away) to find.