Monday, October 19, 2009

The Toaster Challenge

Making breakfast this morning created the perfect opportunity to delve into the current state of my marriage.

We have a crappy toaster that we bought for less than ten dollars because all of our guests complained we didn't have one. Of course, now that we bought one, we rarely have guests. I mention this because the pieces of bread, once done, remain wedged down in the bowels of the toaster. Extraction require a light touch.

This morning while fixing breakfast Hubbie took a butter knife, a steel butter knife, and fished for the piece of bread. The toaster? Still plugged in.

I shrieked at him to stop, and his nonplussed answer was that it wasn't turned on. My answer? I'm not going to lose you over a god-damned toaster!!

And that about sums it up. The lesson learned here being that I was not concerned about his safety for his sake. I was concerned about it for mine. Life is so short and so fragile. I am not going to lose my husband over something so stupid as sticking a knife in a toaster. I need him. And I will save him from himself when his urge to perform stupid man tricks outweighs his common sense.

Would the toaster have zapped him? Maybe yes and maybe no. I don't want to find out.

9 comments:

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

Women are so cute sometimes.... Men are programmed, at the primal level, to do stupid things. Life threatening things. Those top two rungs on a step-ladder with the blatant warning not to use them? Made for men.

Unless he was standing in an inch of water while digging in the toaster, you should have let him zap himself, cuz it would have been HILARIOUS!

Patois said...

Now, if he is paying attention AT ALL, he is buying you a very expensive toaster for Christmas.

I'm just saying.

Ginny said...

I so get you. A scary noise in the night that I send him out to investigate? THAT I'm willing to lose him over. But knife in the toaster, or, say, rollerblading? Nuh uh.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

Hahahahahhahhahahhahaha @Ginny!!! Effin hilarious!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, Lord. I'm the same way, girl! I think it's genetic, part of that double-X chromosome thing. "Don't do it or I won't have you any more!"

Friggin' toasters...

Deb said...

Buy that man some wooden toaster tongs--I agree, losing your man to a metal implement in the toaster incident would be wasteful. Smart women work very hard at keeping their husbands alive.

A Free Man said...

I do that all the time. It's one of the few risks I take in life anymore. I mean, damn, give the man the thrill of risking electrocution!

Cristin said...

I yell at my hubby for filling the gas tank with the car running. He says he does it all the time in his truck. To which I reply, "I'd be so fucking pissed at you if you died filling your fucking gas tank".

Mirth said...

I must be a bit more blase` than most women because I'm in the camp of "if you're going to do something that stupid, I'm going to laugh at you when you get hurt". My ex once drilled into the 220 wiring behind a wall after I asked him if it was off (he said it was "fine, don't worry"). After he shot across the basement and landed on his back, I did check to make sure he was alive before I started laughing.