We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

There are quite a few classics I have not seen, and so our neighbors kindly loaned us their copy of Jaws. That's right. I had not seen this movie. I was dubbed too young by my parents and the opportunity to see it never came about. Until tonight.

We've had the dvd sitting next to our player for over a week now. Our kids, unfortunately, have given us not one shred of alone time in the evenings. LittleMan has been falling asleep somewhere around the midnight hour every night, with lots of pre-sleep drama. It has left us exhausted, irritable, and without a movie night.

Tonight, we thought we had remedied the situation. Because of a swim birthday party and skipping naptime, the boy was passed out within ten minutes of story and prayers. Our daughter was safely tucked in her bed. With red wine poured and a yummy Greek dinner in front of us, we started the movie.

Total disaster.

Normally, we are very cognizant of our surroundings. Between the cats and the kids, we pick up on movement. Our daughter, however, has apparently gotten stealthier in her sneak-out-of-bed routine. We discovered her standing behind the couch. Was it one of the argument scenes with the sheriff? Of course not. Was it a harmless underwater shot of the shark? Hell no. It was the scene where the kid gets chomped by the shark. The only fucking child fatality or danger moment in the whole fucking film, and my four year old watched it.

As you can imagine, the next few hours has involved questions such as Why do sharks hate people? and Why did the shark snap up the child? or Mommy? Did the shark snap up the child? Well, what did you see on the TV? The shark snapped up the boy.

Somebody just kick me in the head right now.