Monday, July 27, 2009

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

There are quite a few classics I have not seen, and so our neighbors kindly loaned us their copy of Jaws. That's right. I had not seen this movie. I was dubbed too young by my parents and the opportunity to see it never came about. Until tonight.

We've had the dvd sitting next to our player for over a week now. Our kids, unfortunately, have given us not one shred of alone time in the evenings. LittleMan has been falling asleep somewhere around the midnight hour every night, with lots of pre-sleep drama. It has left us exhausted, irritable, and without a movie night.

Tonight, we thought we had remedied the situation. Because of a swim birthday party and skipping naptime, the boy was passed out within ten minutes of story and prayers. Our daughter was safely tucked in her bed. With red wine poured and a yummy Greek dinner in front of us, we started the movie.

Total disaster.

Normally, we are very cognizant of our surroundings. Between the cats and the kids, we pick up on movement. Our daughter, however, has apparently gotten stealthier in her sneak-out-of-bed routine. We discovered her standing behind the couch. Was it one of the argument scenes with the sheriff? Of course not. Was it a harmless underwater shot of the shark? Hell no. It was the scene where the kid gets chomped by the shark. The only fucking child fatality or danger moment in the whole fucking film, and my four year old watched it.

As you can imagine, the next few hours has involved questions such as Why do sharks hate people? and Why did the shark snap up the child? or Mommy? Did the shark snap up the child? Well, what did you see on the TV? The shark snapped up the boy.

Somebody just kick me in the head right now.

12 comments:

only a movie said...

Oh no!! I can picture it. I'm sure my child is still damaged from some sort of pg-13 action witnessed when he was a toddler...

Hope you get another movie night soon.

Creepy said...

This is my hub's favorite movie... and my least favorite...

good luck getting your kid to stick a pinky toe in the water while knowing that Jaws is waiting to snap her up...

Krishanna said...

Ya know...My parents wouldn't let me see the Godfather, though I wanted to badly. We were at the drive-in and it was the movie after all the kiddies were supposed to catching major z's in the backseat. Not me. I feigned sleep and judged when would be a good time to peek at screen. And when I did, the guy's fucking finger got whacked off. It's how Murphy works for kids.. ;)

So Not Wishy Washy said...

1. I CANNOT believe you hadn't seen it until NOW. Christ! Complete classic, missy!

2. The kid sneaking out and seeing the offering to the shark beast? MORE than classic. I feel your pain. I'm feeling it, sister. Poor you.

You ARE Co-Mother of the Year with me! Love you to pieces!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, honey. I made some off-hand comment to the kids about "Let's get upstairs to bed otherwise you're all gonna be little monsters tonight!" And Heath cried. Tore my heart out crying. Because he was scared he would wake up and turn into a monster. And I had to calm his fears for two weeks about it.

You're not alone.

A Free Man said...

They're stealthy bastards. Kids that is. And sharks for that matter. Sneak right up on you.

Joe said...

HA! Nightmares FTW!

So was the movie good. Sadly, I have also never seen it, and struggle to make myself watch movies that don't have special effects from the last 15 years or so. I'm a CGI snob, methinks.

Gypsy said...

Why DO sharks hate people?

Jud said...

Sharks hate people for the following reasons:
1) No deep sea libraries. None.
2) Sharks are always moving and therefore suffer from sleep deprivation. Swimmers are notoriously well-rested.
3) Pizza. Soggy pizza just plain sucks.

Jaws is a wonderful movie; my step-dad and I call each other when it is on TV, even though we both have it on DVD and could watch it whenever.

"Oh how I wanna go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed..."

Patois said...

Can't wait to hear how it goes the next time you all are at the ocean.

faemom said...

Bad times. I love Jaws. It's the best sea comedy ever! The shark actually changes sizes like four times. But I don't know if that would help you explain to your child. My bff showed my son Nim's Island, and he was scared I was going to be eaten by a blue whale. The next morning I checked out a dozen library books to explain why mommy won't be eaten by a whale. Does that help?

Patois said...

I had forgotten this story. I'm glad I paged through to find it. Yeah, my girl's Australian Fishman is no match for the real Jaws.