Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Why Clowns Are Evil

I am amazed how many people are afraid of clowns.

Number 99 on my 100 Things list reads

  • I am afraid of clowns. I think they are evil motherfuckers and want them to stay the hell away from me.
How do we get to such a place that even as adults we cannot logically talk ourselves out of this fear?

I'll tell you how I got there.

I wasn't all that crazy about clowns as a kid. What tipped me over the edge? That scene in Poltergeist where the clown drags that kid under the bed. I think most kids have a fear of something hiding under the bed. To get dragged off of the bed by a clown is to bring a tingling fear to a screaming horror.

I can just see the director and producer on set, laughing: Ha! Kids will be shitting themselves for the rest of their lives after they see this.

Pure evil, I tell you.

Unfortunately for me, it doesn't end with that. When my grandfather retired, he decided to take up painting. He painted quite a few different things, but his absolute favorite subjects were hobos. Hobos on trains. Hobos around a campfire. And they all looked like clowns. Every last one of them.

The colors my grandfather used were garish. At least to my young eyes. Reds and blues that jumped off the canvas. There were hobo paintings in every room. Their eyes followed me every time I walked by. I didn't want to hurt my grandfather's feelings, but those paintings made my stomach ache.

Most adults cannot give you a concise answers as to why they hate clowns. My explanation may not make sense, but at least I have one.

Sorry, Grampa.


RiverPoet said...

AAAAH! Clowns!!!!

I can't stand clowns or circuses or parades or anything that might contain clowns (including McDonalds!). It isn't just Poltergeist, do you remember "It"? The Stephen King novel/TV movie that had a clown with razor teeth in the sewer drains? ((((shudder))))

(are the clowns all gone now???)


Blue Momma said...

Shit. Riverpoet beat me to IT. Creepiest clown ever.

Let's get together and go to FL and burn down the clown school!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, RiverPoet. Word! She got it with the whole Tim Curry creepy clown thing! My mom doesn't get it. She doesn't understand why clowns are scary. I just humor her and refuse clowns in my house.

Irrational Dad said...

That "Poltergeist" scene scared the ever-living SH** out of me!!!

I have a tattoo of a clown on my arm (yes, I regret the decision). Today, an openly gay guy looked at it and told me he is absolutely petrified of clowns. It just seems irrational be be afraid of them as an adult....

BUT... I'm on the last couple chapters of Stephen King's "It" and am rethinking all of the irrationality. That's some freaking stuff.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@RiverPoet: I do remember "It" and I left out mention of it on purpose. By the time I saw that movie, my fears of clowns was well solidified. That movie made me afraid of what the bath water was going to look like out of the faucet. LOL

@BlueMomma: Yeah, they did a damn fine job with that movie.

@CMGD: Funny that you and your mom don't see eye to eye. ;)

@Joe:A clown tattoo? Dude. You HAVE to spill the goods on that one.

A Free Man said...

Clowns AND hobos, jesus. Must be hard for you to wander around circus trains.

Kelly said...

I know exactly where my dislike of clowns came from...when I was a kid, my parents were looking for a new house and on one house-hunting expedition, I went along.

We looked at this house and down in the basement, the homeowner had the biggest clown collection you've ever seen. There were clowns freaking everywhere! I shit you not...there was a clown sitting on every step as you descended down into the creepy clown-filled basement.

At one point, it felt like a in a movie where you're spinning around in a fun house, but everywhere you look a clown comes screeching at you.

Not cool, man. Not cool.

carrie said...

my daughter is ill-at-ease about clowns

carmilevy said...

Our daughter was PETRIFIED of clowns for the longest time. She was so freaked out about them that she'd ask every time we went to ANYTHING if there would be clowns there.

She's 11 now, and it's only been a couple of years since the fear eased.

I can understand why she didn't like 'em. They creep ME out!

The new Thematic Photographic theme is up. This week, we're working through "happy". You don't need to share a clown pic if you don't want to :)

jams o donnell said...

Three words which prove clowns are evil:




I cam here via a Free Man. I love that your Fruit flies are smarter than Palin!

Gypsy said...

I chalk mine up to the very same scene.

And also? It's just creepy that their expressions are painted on. Something is just wrong with that. It's against nature.