Monday, August 25, 2008

Sliding Doors

Pardon me, but I am having a shoulda woulda coulda kind of day.

With LittleMan turning two tomorrow, it hit me over the weekend of what our life would likely have been like if we had not moved.

Both kids could have gone to their preschool in the mornings, or even full-time. I could easily have had a job at Hubbie's place of employment.

We could have all gotten up as a family, driven the kids to school together, dropped them off and gone to work together. If I had worked part-time I could have picked them up after lunch. If I had worked full-time, we could have picked them up together after work.

How Stepford is that?

I could have worked a mile away from home. I could have met Hubbie for coffee breaks. We could have been able to have dinner together every night as a family.

Now? Hubbie works miles away. He never makes it home for dinner. Not ever. Not unless we don't eat until after 7pm every night, and most night the kids just can't make it that long.

I know that we made the right decision to move. I know that the kids are much better off here in NewTown. I know all of this.

But the memories of OldTown feel very familiar to me tonight. I know that shoulda woulda coulda never did anyone any good. Looking back is never an accurate perspective. Sometimes, though, you just can't help it.


Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Oh, hon - put the blinders on to the "Shoulda Woulda Coulda"s - they'll get you every damn time.

Look ahead - the past has passed.

Krysta said...

i fall victim to shoulda, coulda, woulda sometimes too. i have no answers, advice, or words of wisdom... just like the baroness said 'look ahead'

A Free Man said...

Dude, Sinead does this constantly and it's just crippling. Get past it, look at the day and enjoy what's in front of you. AND the future is yours.

RiverPoet said...

I get caught up in that sometimes, too, but what we imagine would have been perfection surely would not have played out that way in reality.

Enjoy the moment of nostalgia, and then plow ahead. I wish you the best.

Peace - D

K-Mom said...

I feel pretty certain that if I worked with my Hubby every day, one of us would be dead or maimed or mangled...but I do know how you feel.

Sometimes I find myself aching to move back to Charlotte or Nashville, but the odds of that are so slim, I just have to let it go.

I try to live by the "bloom where you're planted" philosophy, but some days it's really really hard.

Patois said...

Hey, so long as you're not dwelling in "Shoulda Woulda Coulda Land," I think it's healthy to look back.

Jay said...

You know you moved away for a reason, possibly several, very good, reasons. No point in looking back, though sometimes we just can't help it.

Be kind to yourself. *Hugs*

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@BvB: Ah, but we can learn from the past, non?

@Krysta: I agree that it is important to look ahead, but we've got to appreciate where we came from to make better choices in the future, I believe.

@AFM: I think it can be good for you if you can look at it with a semi-objective eye. What about the situation do you miss? Can it be recreated or should it be left alone? I feel that by looking at what you enjoyed in the past, you can continue to build what makes you happy in the future. But I agree that you cannot let it cripple you.

@RiverPoet: And that is all it is, nostalgia. I miss having my husband home for dinner every night. We only get to eat as a family on the weekends. I know our circumstances will change and we will be able to do it again, but right now it makes the weekdays just a little bit harder.

@K-Mom: And that is why I know it is good that we moved. As large as a company may be, it is never big enough when your spouse is working there. I'm doing my best to bloom here, but I've gotta do a little pruning every now and again, too.

@Patois: And that is my goal, not to wallow, just to appreciate and move one.

@Jay: And that's exactly it. I know all the reasons that are good, but sometimes you just MISS a place. Or a food. Or a friend. Or a lifestyle.

buddha_girl said...

I SO feel you on this. That's all I'll say here.

Sinead said...

Yeah I am totally a woulda, coulda, shoulda kind of girl. I can't help it. Luckily we have landed on our feet in Oz, but for a while there it was touch and go.

Gypsy said...

I suck. I feel like I spend half my time looking back. And that's no way to live now, is it. {hugs}

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Just say to yourself, "I will not should on myself today." :)

Kat said...

Ugh. Its been over a year for me since our move, and I still shouldawouldacoulda all the time. Starting to get over it though. It aint easy.