Monday, August 18, 2008

Needles and Pins

For a few years, I had a very special best friend in elementary school. She was as nerdy as I was at a time when we were too young to know what that was. We loved school. We loved to read. We were smart and at that innocent stage of our lives when we didn't know or care that we were smart.

I used to ride my bike to her house, and we would lie on the floor and read. All. Day. Long. I loved it. She introduced me to some of my favorite childhood authors, and it was heavenly.

I remember that we used to call each other silly names from The Island of Blue Dolphins, and the word for dragon poo from A Wrinkle in Time (I think it was?).

Total. Nerd. Heaven.

I remember that she got the chicken pox way later than most of us. I biked to her house more than once to keep her company. My dad was furious. Absolutely ragingly pissed off. He said I could get sick again. I told him I was already immune because I'd already had it. He told me not to go. I went anyway.

I remember the day she told me she was switching schools because she was going to take gifted classes that weren't offered at our parochial school. I was so sad. We tried to stay friends, but junior high at two different schools? It just doesn't happen.

We ended up going to the same high school, but it just wasn't the same. Her friends from junior high were there, too. We were all older now. And it was just different. Not bad, just different.

I moved in high school, and that was the end of it. I have always considered her to be a very influential person in those formative years. I know I would not be the same person if not for her.

Over the years, I have tried to track her down. Via old classmates, via the internet. I have not been successful. Until today.

I am not a big Facebooker, but I am on there. In my real life incarnation.

I have searched for her there before, but the search has turned up nothing. Until today.

I sent her a message, not sure if it was her. Since sending the message, I have been able to determine that it is her.

And I feel like I am in the third grade again.

My heart is pounding. I feel nervous. What if she doesn't write me back?

I have so much I want to say to her.

Like I have never had a friend since her who was as smart. Who challenged me on so many levels. (Though I have the feeling that CMGD would, if we were able to spend more time in person together).

Like how sorry I am that I called her stublegs as a kid. That I always thought she was so cute and perfect and had the most beautiful legs, and until she yelled at me that day to stop calling her that I had no idea in my naivete that what I was saying was hurtful.

That it wasn't until I was in college and met someone else with her last name that it even occurred to me that she was Japanese. I hadn't even realized. It never even crossed my mind that we looked differently. She was my friend. I had no idea that we were different. Because we weren't.

So, I have no idea if she will write back. I just had to get this out today because there are very few people in my life that I have cared so much about that do not know it. I hope I get the chance to tell her.


RiverPoet said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you hear from her. I had a friend like that, too, and I'd love to hear from her again.


Peace - D

A Free Man said...

Facebook is such a fucking drama. It's like being in high school again - who's my friend, who's not my friend.

This may not apply to your situation, but just in case - I recently started getting friend requests from high school classmates - initially people with whom I was actually friends. That was OK, though most of them I hadn't spoken to in nearly 20 years. Then it seemed like everyone in my graduating class started "friending" me. And they aren't writing to see how I am, they're just chalking up "friends".

And I just couldn't be bothered anymore. So, I tend to ignore friend requests from people who I haven't spoken to in more than a decade. Dr. O'C has had the same experience and done the same thing.

SO, if you don't hear back from her, don't take it personally - she could just be one of those people who's overwhelmed by the whole thing. Send her a proper e-mail if you can. I would respond happily to a thoughtful e-mail from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time.

Tuli said...

I hope she contacts you! Can't wait to hear your update on this.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she re-connects with you and that you guys get back to the beginning!

And? I would challenge you? Thanks, hon. :) That was an awesome compliment. :)

Jay said...

I hope things work out for you!!

Funny I should read this just now. Only ten minutes ago I was once more putting futile searches into Google in an attempt to find someone I lost touch with back in the seventies when we were both at school and SUCH good friends! What happened? Stupid argument over a boy, for goodness sake, who neither of us really wanted in the end. Ah those teen years! The nostalgia! Weren't we drama queens?

Sadly, I moved away, she moved away, her parents moved away and so did my Mum. Someone gave me her phone number many years ago and I wasn't ready to ring her. By the time I was, it was no longer good.

Maybe one day. In the meantime, I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Patois said...

I'm banking on the fact that you were as special to her as she was to you. She'll get back to you.

CPA Mom said...

wow, I hope she writes back! Now I want to activate my Facebook account - I NEVER go there - and find my closest friend from H.S. I have no idea where she is.

I've not had ANY luck finding my ex- on there. just curious if he is still fucked up, KWIM?

Anonymous said...

Ive got my fingers crossed for you too! Hope you hear back from her!

Not Afraid To Use It said...

@RiverPoet: So, are you going to go looking for her?

@AFM: LOL Listen to you! I have to say that I agree with you about Facebook. I don't do all the crazy little shit people send to me. And if I get a friend "suggestion" I just ignore it. As for the Friend Request, you have the option to send a message with it, too, and that is what I usually do. Though in this case I actually only sent her a message. I don't want to try and add her as a friend if she isn't interested, kwim?

@Tuli: Me too! Talk about feeling restless!

@CMGD: And just think, we could challenge each other to a dual wearing the storm trooper uniforms! Now THAT would be badass!

@Jay: You ought to try Facebook. My Space never worked for me, and with this girl's common name Google was a nightmare. I hope you find her!

@Patois: You are too sweet! And god how I hope you are right!

@CPA Mom: I never go to Facebook, either. But I receive the emails in my regular email account, so that is the only reason I know if someone has tried to message me. The only reason I was even on the other day was to do a little clean-up (i.e. delete all the request shit), and it just dawned on me to try her name again. Voila!

@Geek Mom: Cross your toes, too! LOL

Toasty said...

I had to get off Facebook because my family members were trying to add me as a friend. I'm interested in reconnecting with old friends, but I don't want my sis-in-law spying on me to see who I'm talking to. I agree with a free man, SO high school.

I hope you'll let us know what happens with your third grade friend. I have one friend I've kept in touch with since then and it would kill me to lose touch with her.

buddha_girl said...

She'd be stupid to not reply.

You know my REAL name - find me, dork! I'm on Facebook!

Gypsy said...

This Facebook thing... a blessing and a curse. I hope it blesses you with reconnection. :)

Also, that was beautifully written and makes me miss having close friends nearby.

Krysta said...

i know excactly what your going through... it's nerve racking. i've tried to find one of my friends like yours and have never found her and i'm not sure what to say or if she would even talk to me. i wish you luck.

K-Mom said...

I really hope she writes you back...I know how exciting it is to reconnect with an old friend.

Good luck and I'll be looking forward to reading an update!