Thursday, August 14, 2008

How To Remove A Turd From Your Sink

What do you do when you have a turd stuck in the pipe of the bathroom sink?

When the water has backed up to nearly the rim of the basin?

Leave the bathroom.


Wait until the water has seeped down as low as it will go.

Dump fuckloads of baking soda in the sink.

Add vinegar and watch a foaming fecal eruption take place.

Add more vinegar.

Then a little more.

Leave the bathroom.


Check to see if the vinegar has done the trick.

Take tissue and fish out the larger chunks washed out by the back flow.

Leave the bathroom.


Get pipe cleaner from your craft box, twist them together and poke it down the drain to try to break up the chunks of poo.

Attempt to get the pipe cleaner into the plastic trash bag without flinging contaminated water all over the walls, towels or clothing.

Go to kitchen and boil water in your tea kettle.

Forget about the water by getting involved in your feedreader until you hear the water hitting the live flame on your gas stove and scare yourself into thinking you've set the kitchen on fire.

Slowly pour the boiling water into bathroom sink so as to not splash on your tea kettle.

Boil another pot of water just in case the first one didn't work.

Rejoice that the first batch of water actually cleared the pipes.

Pour the second batch of boiling water into sink for good measure.

Relax on the couch and rethink that chocolate you wanted to have as a snack.


Crystal said...

That was foul.

Thats all I have to say about that.

K-Mom said...

I'm surprised you would want the chocolate after dealing with that?


RiverPoet said...

Ewww! That tops any poo story I had in my arsenal!!!!

Peace - D
(holding nose and backing away slowly)

Jay said...

HAHAHAHA! Cat story? LOL!

For future reference, I find a strong solution of enyme-based detergent (as in laundry powder or liquid) deals with poop blockage better than baking soda and vinegar.

Yes, it's amazing the things I've had to deal with. ;)

A Free Man said...

Um, thanks for that useful knowledge?

My kid shat on the floor for the first time over the weekend. That was pretty fun. But not as fun as what you got to do.

Krysta said...

read part of your blog... gag... come back later, read some more...gag... and feel really sorry for you. yuck!

Rachel said...

Perhaps this is a stupid question, but exactly how did a turd get in the bathroom sink?

andbabybmakesthree said...

Thank goodness THIS wasn't Wordless Wednesday!!!!


buddha_girl said...

Whoooooooooooooooooo put a fucking turd in the SINKOLA??????

You should have filmed this experiment in overcoming turds. For real. Each and every step.

I see this as an actual science fair project at some point. If one of my students makes such a proposal, I will let you know asap!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Crystal: LOL How do you handle diapers then?

@K-Mom: Nope. I totally couldn't do it after that.

@RiverPoet: Nah! I am sure you could give me a run for my money!

@Jay: Good to know about the enzyme detergent. Though I do have to say this is the first time the baking soda/vinegar thing didn't work for me. (Yes, that means it has happened before.)

@AFM: Please tell me you have hardwoods and not carpeting? I guess you were giving him a little air time, eh?

@Krysta: LOL LOL LOL You are hilarious!! Love it!

@Rachel: Ahhhh. The million dollar question. LittleMan had taken a gigantic, messy crap in his diaper. I THOUGHT I had shaken the major chunks into the toilet, but when I started rinsing the diaper out in the sink I obviously hadn't gotten enough off. Sigh.

@andbabymakesthree: No kidding! I briefly thought about it, but I just couldn't take the picture. Ugh.

@Buddha_Girl: That would be me (hangs head in shame). And if your students to it, make sure you get tons of photos!

Toasty said...

OH. MY. GOD. That was foul and funny all at the same time. I had both my girls (14 and 34 months) in a BUBBLE BATH the other day, and the younger one turns to me (while I was sitting on the bathmat texting of all things) and says, "Poop." I looked over and a few little turds were floating up! I flung the phone, grabbed the baby and put her on the toilet, where she left the rest of her load. Meanwhile, the toddler was FREAKING OUT because she didn't want to be in the tub with the poop pellets (who could blame her?) Seems we are living parallel lives sometimes, because every time I read your blog, the same shit (no pun intended) is happening to you!

Patois said...

Gagging right along with you as I'm reading!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, hon. That was fucking awesome! And how, m'dear, did said turd get into your sink? Hmmmmm? I told you, no more drunken dumps! :)

CPA Mom said...

I'm SO afraid to ask how you got turds in your sink in the first place.

gagging now.