How Out of Shape is Too Out of Shape?

There are two of everyone. The version of ourselves we see in our heads, and the version that everyone around us sees.

I have no problem with the way anyone looks or lives their lives as long as they are reasonably secure in it. I mean hell, we all have our insecurities. But if there is something about yourself that you hate, fucking do something about it instead of whining.

Sorry you quit school? Educate yourself. In a shitty relationship? Get out and do better the next time.

Healthy bitching is one thing. Constant beating oneself up is another.

In an attempt to live up to my own expectations, I went swimming tonight.

Because I think I need to get back into shape.

I don't need to lose weight. I don't need to drop a dress size.

I need to feel like my body is healthy again.

Swimming is one of the only forms of exercise that I find acceptable, and I have a neighbor with a swimming pool. Last week, I put myself out there and asked if I could swim a few evenings a week to help me reach my goal. They kindly obliged me.

Being sick all weekend with a cold knocked out the early part of this week. A heat headache kept me out yesterday.

Today, I was going if it killed me.

And it nearly did.

I got in their pool, and I paddled around.

I swam until I thought it was time to go, and I kind of had to pee--so I got out of the pool.

And herein lies the dangerous aspect of swimming. I love it because I don't sweat, but it is really easy to overexert your body because of the buoyancy of the water.

I got out of the water, and my legs were kind of shaky. Not bad, I thought to myself. I must have gotten a good work out.

As I toweled off, I realized how tired my arms were. Now that I had stopped swimming and was warm under a towel, every muscle started to relax.

Every muscle.

Oh. My. God. I think I am going to piss myself.

There is nothing like standing on your neighbors' pool deck frantically trying to do kegel exercises and not look like you are having some kind of masturbatory fantasy.

And the horrifying part of it was, every step I took across their lawn, out the gate and down the street--a tiny little of bit of pee came sneaking out.

Kind of like farting with every step, but much much worse and not nearly as funny.

After two pregnancies, a c-section and a VBAC I have never had this issue until today.

So how out of shape is too out of shape? If you see a woman walking down the street in a swimsuit with a towel around her body walking like she has a stick up her ass, you know the answer.