When Diapering Goes Horribly Wrong

As most of you know, I took the kids to their grandparents for three weeks. There are usually several things a family does in order to prepare for a vacation. For us, that includes taking care of the diapers before we leave.

By taking care of the diapers, that means washing, drying and folding them. Love my cloth diapers! WooHoo!

Until today.

We got back last week. After a week of adding to my diaper pail, I realized that Hubbie (in a very uncharacteristic move) did not wash the dipes in the pail while I was gone. This afternoon, I went to do a load and found out I have MUSHROOMS growing out of my diapers. Not mold. Not mildew. But honest-to-god gigantic mushrooms growing out of the ones on the bottom.

How the fuck could this happen? I mean really? We have one bathroom. We are in and out fifty times a day. There was no smell. None.

I didn't even notice anything was awry until as I was shaking the diapers into the pail something black fell into the washer.

Then another.

What the hell was on my diapers?

I set the pail on the ground and looked inside. And I just could not fathom what I saw. I just stared.

I saw this really long...thing. Next to more black...stuff. The first thing that came to my mind was could it possibly be a baby snake that got in, died and was now decomposing?

Then I noticed the fuzz. Over everything.

I dumped the remainder into the tub to try and rinse it off.

And that is when the smell kicked it.

For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, I may never be able to eat mushrooms on a pizza again. Ever.

I have a strong stomach and a pretty damned good gag reflex, but I just could not handle this. I bagged it up like a half-eaten squirrel (you know--have the plastic bag inside out, grab the offending object and pull the bag around it) and threw it on the front stoop to steam and fester until Hubbie got home.

Then I called him on the phone and shredded him a new one.

If I could have reached through the phone with my fist and my foot he'd have a black eye and a bloody ass.

The result?

1. I have entertained a whole slew of woman on a popular diapering board in an effort to learn whether or not my dipes could be salvaged (um, no). It seems I may have made diapering history today. A dubious honor, to be sure.

2. I lost a good bit of my diaper stash, and I am at a loss as to what I should do.

3. The remainder of the diapers are currently in an OxyCle*n power wash. We will see how many survivors I have tomorrow.

4. Hubbie did his duty and sorted through the offending material to help take stock of the situation.

Suiting up


Drum roll, please



Counting our losses

Hell yeah I made him pose with the Penis Shroom


And last but not least, it just goes to show that nothing normal ever happens to my family. Ever. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.