Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Case of the Missing Pantyliners

Overheard in the NATUI bathroom last night...

NATUI is brushing her teeth.

I don't know if you have tracked down my box of pantyliners, but if you come across them let me know because I am going to need them.

Hubbie: They are in the drawer behind you. But there are only a few left and I need them.

NATUI blinks.

You need them?

Hubbie: I have a presentation to give on Thursday, and you know how much I sweat when I am nervous. So, I need them.

NATUI pauses. Blinks again.

What the hell are you going to do? Put them in your armpits?

Hubbie: Yeah. I did that the last time I had a presentation.

NATUI stares.

Then splutters some variant of What the fuck? Have you done this before?

Hubbie continues: I stick them to the inside of my shirt (makes peeling motion and pats his underarm). They work great!

NATUI finds herself speechless and squinting her eyes from trying to comprehend the words coming out of her husband's mouth.

Wha...Whe...When...Whaaaaat?

Hubbie: Yeah, I saw it on Deal or No Deal. Remember when we watched that episode and that guy did the same thing? It was a great idea!

NATUI controls her breathing.

You mean to tell me you saw this on fucking Deal or No Deal, thought it looked like a good idea, and now you take my PANTYLINERS and stick them in your armpits when you have a presentation at work?

Ladies, if you find that you are running low on your menstrual supplies, it is not some mythical pixie coming in and hiding things from you. It is probably your husbands.

14 comments:

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh sweet Jesus! Can't type... snorting Thin Mint through nose... pain... eyes watering...

I don't have the words. Mr. NATUI, I'm sending you some Secret, right away!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Ok, given - pretty freakin' funny.
But also ingenious - and evolved.

I love that seemingly gender-specific items can be used for other purposes.

That being said, don't expect me to be using jock itch creme on my hoohoo anytime soon.

Avitable said...

That's awesome! I don't sweat like that, but if I did, I'd totally use that idea.

Avitable said...

Oh, and I'm just horrified that you actually watch Deal or No Deal.

Momma said...

Oh, thank God I don't need those things anymore. My hubby is just SOL!

Peace - D

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@CMGD: And Hubbie thanks you kindly!

@BvB: I would bet that would be a good meme--what "gender-specific" items does your spouse use.

@Avitable: Are you kidding me? Tits, legs and morons throwing their financial futures in the toilet? It can't get any better than that.

@Momma: I'm sure your Hubbie has learned to cope. :)

Candy said...

So if my husband has a sudden case of diarrhea, I should hide the tampons? Gotcha!

Chris in Flux said...

I have tried really hard to understand "Deal Or No Deal". Just do not get it. Dr. O'C sometimes tries to explain to to me, but I lose interest too quickly.

I have nothing to say about "ladies products".

buddha_girl said...

OH.
MY.
GOD.

We are officially soul sisters. There is definitely some genetic fucking link between us if this is an average conversation between adults in your house. I knew it.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Candy: OMG that is disgusting! And beautifully hilarious! Girl, you got me.

@CiF: Oh come ON. I know you must have a good story in there somewhere about those feminine unmentionables.

@Buddha_Girl: Can you imagine the dinner conversation if the four of us got together without kids?

SSG said...

HAHHAHAHAH
too funny. my boyfriend once used my venus razor to shave his face. never again. and my ex husband told me when he was a child he once wore his mum pantyliners in his pants as he wanted to be a girl. weird. but good idea, there should be a patent in there somewhere... at the beginning i was wondering where this was going, if your husband had seriously sweaty balls, thank good ness it didnt end up there!

Gypsy said...

That's classic. And really kind of smart. In a "what the hell are you thinking?" kind of way.

Major Bedhead said...

Holy shit. That's one of the funniest things I've read in days.

DMB (andbabybmakesthree.wordpress.com) said...

This is freaking hilarious!!!!

D