If You Have Three Trains Travelling

I never could figure out the math questions talking about trains. I hated them. They gave me a headache, and I have dreaded those types of questions on exams ever since.

I should have paid more attention.

I feel very discombobulated right now. I feel split in three. There is the part of me that feels like I am still up in the High Sierras. That I should be able to look out the window and see all that was familiar to me.

There is the part of me that feels like I should still be at my parent's house. Visiting a childhood home is always a bit of a mindfuck anyway. To be there almost an entire month, trying to be a parent to your own children while your parents treat you like a child, wreaks havoc on one's psyche.

Now there is the third me. The new me. In my new town. In my new life. So much of the past few months have been hurry up and wait. Now I am here. I am lonely. I am sad. I don't even know where to start. Unpack boxes? Take the kids to the park? The store?

I am trying to create stability for them.

All I really want to do it take a nap.

I know this will pass, and I will regain a sense of who I am. Of where I am. It always gets better. It always could be worse.

All I want is for someone to come over and have a cup of coffee with me.