Monday, February 25, 2008

Dealing With A Man Crisis

**Note to Reader(s): I have in the past referred to my husband as Hubbie, but CMGD's linked post below made me appreciate her use of Mr. NATUI. I rather like that, but I do have to say out of respect for Hubbie's homeland I ought to use the correct form of the title. From here on out he will be referred to as Herr NATUI.

Herr Natui is having a man crisis. He arrived in the DC area late Saturday evening. He was scheduled to meet with our landlord-to-be Sunday at noon. We were hopeful that she had not run off with our cash, and I could not with any certainty say the house would be ours to rent until the keys were in his grubby little hands.

He calls me on Sunday in a voice filled with tightly controlled panic. The house? Is small. Very small. Like, she didn't quite represent the square footage as correctly as she might have small.

Over the course of the afternoon the story evolved.

The largest of the three bedrooms is 12 x 9. Take that in folks. Pace that out in your living room and see how big that really is. That is the largest.

The furnace is in the kitchen. The washing machine is in the hall closet. The dryer is on the other side of the house.

Walking through the backyard, I hear him suddenly exclaim Is this a WELL? Turns out there was a piece of carpet over some kind of well-type hole in the ground. The landlady will be checking this out for us. I refuse to have a Jessica-down-the-pipe incident with my kids. At that point he had to call me back before he stroked out on the phone.

The bathroom is a 1950s bright turquoise with black trim tile. We cannot update the vanity or sink because the hot/cold faucet handles are in the wall above the sink.

At this point in the conversation, I busted out laughing. I just couldn't help myself.

I keep telling him, it's only for a year. We can totally make it work. It will be a fun adventure. That the house has character. He is slowing coming to think a little more positively about it, but then again I have not yet seen the place.

To do a little damage control, I had my girlfriend's husband call Herr Natui to get a guys perspective on things. My man did feel better after speaking with him. Even though FriendsHusband said the exact same things I had, there is something about hearing it come from someone who isn't your spouse. Shitty, but true. I guess we chicks do it all the time when we bitch to our girlfriends. I guess I can't expect him to be any different.

So goodbye to the High Sierras with our snowy adventures and hello NoVa with 12 crazy months of minimal-renovations-to make-it-livable adventures.

Does anybody know a good plumber?


Shar said...

I'm laughing so hard. That? Is awesome...

You know, in that "can't make up shit this good" kind of way?"

Morgan Leigh said...

I shouldn't be laughing. I'm sorry. it is comical though.

Chris in Oxford said...

That's the danger of moving sight unseen, ain't it. AND 12 x 9 is fucking big by British standards. I don't think any room in our house is that big (maybe the kitchen) and we've got a decent sized place. I should have listed that on my interview as things I miss about the States. Decent fucking sized houses.

The well is sketchy, though.

Momma said...

Oh you poor woman! I guess you won't be entertaining at your place, then, eh? Makes me feel like mine is humongous in relation to yours, but we had to move to the boonies to get it.

Seriously, I'm sorry things are turning out this way. Is it really too late to find another place? If so, then go with the "it's only a year" philosophy. It will be difficult but doable. Put all of your stuff in storage and go to Ikea. At least their stuff will fit.

Peace - D

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Shar and Morgan Leigh: It's totally okay to laugh! Always look on the bright side of life (start the whistle)...

@CiO: Dude, that is what I told my husband. I asked him would this be okay if we were in Sweden? He is too Americanized, and he needs to quit whining. LOL Seriously, though. This would be standard size in most Swedish homes from the same era.

@Momma: Are you kidding? We've got a KILLER back yard! A mongo gargantuously brilliant backyard. We're going to be doing some serious grilling back there. Bring the booze and come on down!!

As for the IKEA stuff, you don't have to tell me twice. The problem is that a lot of our stuff is from IKEA but is still too bulky. I told hubby that he's always bitching that we need to downsize. Here's our chance!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Damn! Washer and dryer on opposite sides of the house? Wow. That's the only thing that got me.

Sounds like it will be an adventure and, of course, isn't that what life is all about?

Definitely get that well shit fixed. Don't want broken legs!

Blue Momma said...

This doesn't let you get out of Punkin and I crashing at your place in the near future! We don't take up much room.

Ok, HE doesn't take up much room. I promise to be quiet though.

Andrea said...

Adventure is one word for it! Thankfully a year will pass quickly...

Major Bedhead said...

My husband is a plumber but we're kind of far from NoVa.

I don't think any of our bedrooms are bigger than 12 x 9. My dining room and kitchen may be, but not by much.

Can you at least paint the tiles?

Geek Mom said...

Is it wrong that I think the bathroom sounds cool?
The well would freak me out!
Hey you missed like three feet of snow!

I have a blog now! :D
I couldnt resist GeekMom..

Nicole said...

Um, just keep reminding him that he's spent too much time in America and has become spoiled LOL

The house has CHARACTER! (12 X 9? if that ain't character it will certainly BUILD character, that's for sure)

You have a safe trip this weekend and let me know when you get back.


Not Afraid to Use It said...

@CMGD: Haven't heard back from Landlady yet, but I will update you when we do.

@BlueMamma: Dude, the house could sink into the ground and I would still expect a visit. LOL Nothing is getting you out of this one.

@Andrea: We'll see how I feel when I get there, but I may not want it to pass so quickly!

@MajorBedhead: Since you are in a similar situation, I will DEF be picking your brain for organizing tips.

@GeekMom: I kinda feel the same way! I will post lots of pictures!

@Nic: Like I need any more character building!

buddha_girl said...

Holy crap.

Small? Yes.

Dishonest landlord? Yes.

Well? Fuck me running.

Your great attitude? AMAZING! Mr. NATUI is a VERY lucky man!