Wednesday, December 19, 2007

If Eating Bread Is A Sin, I Don't Want To Be Forgiven

The stupidity of the masses never ceases to amaze me. When it comes to food, all common sense goes out the window. Case in point:

Hubbie had a little holiday potluck at work yesterday. He gave me fair warning that we needed to contribute. One of his colleagues was bringing her famous spinach dip. One was bringing her famous blueberry bake. Since this was for lunch, and it seemed as if people were bringing lots of "snacky" stuff, I thought I would send sloppy joes. Easy to make, easy to eat. Win-win for everyone, right?

Apparently not.

I made a medium-sized batch, and I make this shit from scratch. Living overseas for years with no access to the canned crap teaches one to be innovative. And yes, I do sing Adam Sandler's "Sloppy Joes" song from SNL while I cook. But I digress.

Hubbie took our crockpot and two bags of hamburger buns to the office.

He came home with our crockpot and both bags of buns.

What the fuck?

The sloppy joe meat was mostly gone. But only a few buns had been taken out of the first bag. The second had never been opened. I looked at him, and he cut me off before my mouth could ask the question in my eyes.

Him: They didn't eat the buns because they don't eat bread. Something about watching their carbs.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me?

Him: No.

Me: But the sloppy joe mix is mostly gone...What did they do? Just put it on their plates?

Him: Yeah...they said they liked it. But they didn't want to eat the buns because of their diets or whatever.

Who the fuck just eats sloppy joe meat on a plate? I can see not eating a hamburger or a hot dog on a bun. That is a hunk of meat that can be cut up, or even held in ones hand.

Why not just stand at the damned crockpot with a spoon and eat it directly out of the pot?

And! And!! And!!!! Sorry, I need to take a breath here...

You are eating spinach dip and blueberry bake and god-knows-what-else, and you are going to tell me you are watching your CARB INTAKE!?!?!?!?!

Who the fuck thinks like that?

And they certainly had no problem eating the box of DOUGHNUTS I brought by the other week. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I told Hubbie that is the last time I will go to the trouble of making something for those wackos in his office. There is no reasoning with that kind of logic. They can have their fucked up holiday diet. Give me bread and give me lots of it.


Annikke said...

OMG! That cracked me up!
First of all.... I just made sloppy joes last night and totally had to sing the "Sloppy joe" song too! I ended up and got the kids singing too (although they have never seen the original so it didn't mean the same to them!) Secondly, I just had a potluck with the same thing... we are dieting BUT YET they all porked out on chips and dip and whatever else... UGH! People!! It must have been good sloppy joe (minus the bun) or it wouldn't have been touched at all!! So you can pat yourself on the back for that one!

SandyCarlson said...

Too funny. Some people are no fun. We live for carbs. We love carbs. We are carbs. We treat a bag of flour like it's every dream we could ever have.

I'd sit down and eat those roles like I never saw bread before!

Military Mom said...

Funny, we had sloppy joes for dinner! It was requested by my oldest, who turned 13 today! About the potluck, I'd just send the gooiest, most fat laden, sugar filled dessert I could find, and then sit back smugly as they all gorge on it, all the while bragging about thier "low-carb" lifestyle! Then laugh, really loud! Dorks.

Patois42 said...

That really is just too damn funny!

Rebecca said...

I agree and share your frustration in the idiocy of it all. However, you should take comfort in the fact that they ate almost all the the portion you took your time to make, and was only the store bought buns that went un-eaten (unless you baked the buns yourself, which in that case is impressive and super ridiculous that people wouldn't eat fresh baked buns).

P.S. I love love love bread!!! :-0...

Unknown said...

Oh! My sides hurt! LOL!

Next time send them an EMPTY crock pot and tell them you sent them something that should fit into ALL their diets - AIR! :)

Then again, you may not want to do that... Sometimes eating air leads to gas.

Unknown said...

(psst! Don't try apple juice for the stomach remedy, especially if your bowels are already loose. Maybe pomegranate or juicy-juice punch? I don't know for sure what makes the remedy work.)

Major Bedhead said...

Whoever said that man cannot live on bread alone was a big, fat liar.

And I think all those carb-phobic people have stashes of baguettes, family-sized bags of Doritos and cases of Twinkies that they sneak in the middle of the night.

My stepmonster is on a no/low carb diet but it doesn't stop her from guzzling wine like it's going out of style. "But it's good for the heart." Not when you drink it by the box it's not.

Anonymous said...

Oh puh-leeeze! Watching carbs is so 2005.

Anonymous said...

LMAO!! I'm loving the comments as much as the story! WTF!!

You shouldn't have left The South...we would have eaten the buns & the sloppy joe meat mixture and complained that there wasn't enough bread to GO with the meat..then started pulling out the tortillas to eat the left over SJ mixture with!! LOL :)