Sunday, October 28, 2007

Trying To Ignore the Snub

It has finally happened. Someone we have invited to all of our children's birthday parties had a birthday party for one of their children this weekend, and we were not invited.

This is one of the moms that I thought I got on well with. Both my kids and her kids are nearly the same age, and we have been a part of the same mom's group since I moved into town.

When I looked at my calendar and realized that this mom's daughter was having her first birthday this weekend, I cannot describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know that I have felt her withdrawing a bit over the past month or so, but I was trying to chalk that up to paranoia and juvenile insecurity on my part. I guess not.

I really liked this mom. If I did something to upset or offend her, I really wish she could have come to me and we could have talked about it. She has never done anything to me, and I have wracked my brain trying to think what I could have done or said to make things go so wrong. Normally, I would call or email her to ask if we are cool, but under the circumstances I do not want her to think I am angling for an invite to the party. KWIM?

To make things worse, we had a playgroup at this mom's house on Friday. You could see that she had supplies ready for the party over the weekend. I had to sit there and pretend like I did not notice them.

So this week I have shed countless tears on my husband's shoulder trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong. Totally and illogically worrying that I am going to turn my children into social pariahs. That because other moms don't like me my kids will be shunned. Or that they will never know how to make friends because I am such a social retard. LittleBird's birthday is in January, and I have completely over-obsessed how I am going to handle the situation.

Obviously fatigue and serious hormone surges had a lot to do with my ability to handle this situation. I guess this is what it is going to be like to moon only once every third month. My husband has been an angel throughout the whole process, but I still do not have any answers. I am planning a trip to my parent's house next week. I think getting out of this town and away from the small-town attitude will help. I just never thought I would feel so sad to not be included to a child's birthday. Like so many other posts I have written, this is high school all over again. God help me.


kellyo75 said...

Maybe she was having a small. "family only" party. I know the feeling all too well, though. People are crappy sometimes, aren't they?? I hope you feel better about it soon. Oh, and be the better person. Invite her kid to your kid's party. It feels good, I promise :-)

Blue Momma said...

Kellyo could be right. Or maybe your invite was lost in the mail. Or maybe you just haven't figured out - until now - what bitch she is and it's her loss and not yours!

Punkin's birthday is ten months from now, but I'm going to go ahead and invite you now.

Because I don't think you are a social retard. Or if you are? I must like them!

Heather said...

You're not a social retard. People are just stupid and insensitive. There are people in this world that just don't mix; it isn't any one person's fault. Just two opposites that won't mesh. Maybe that is you and this mother, but that doesn't mean that your children shouldn't enjoy one another's company and get together.

Look at it this way, one less present to have to buy! :-) Treat yourself to a manicure instead!

Hey, if you lived in my town, I'd say you're on the invite list to J-man's 1st in May and the twins' 3rd in September. Aw, hell, get on over here anyhoo!

Love, Heather :-)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Thanks guys! KellyO--I hear what you are saying. It might have been a family only party. It is just that all the time when it would have been natural to say, "Oh, my parents are flying in. We are having a small family only party" the "family only" part was never said. I tried to convince myself that it WAS a family party--until I saw all the supplies on her stoop when I went for the playdate.

And Blue Momma and Heather--thanks for the invites! You guys are too funny--I am sure your kids would be like WTF is this strange lady doing at my party? LOL

Patois said...

You can come to any of my kids' parties. And they wouldn't be all the "WTF is this strange lady doing here." At least they wouldn't so long as you brought some cool present.

I went through the same experience a few months ago. My daughter never found out she wasn't invited, but I knew. And I was so ticked. Still am, as a matter of fact. My revenge plot? Invite the stupid kid over to my daughter's party and to any other activity so the mother and daughter would be smothered in guilt. Heh heh heh.

Heather said...

I like the idea of still inviting the guilty party to your functions to make them feel horrible and small. But, unfortunately, people like that just don't get it. They wouldn't feel guilty at all. It would be, "Christ, I can't believe this ho is inviting me to her crap. Sheesh." I'm all about just rolling their house and getting it out of my system! :-)

krishanna said...

Awww.. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. That sucks. You know, it may not even be about you. I try to remember that when I get snubbed. I also try to remember that if the people I am working at a friendship with can't tell me what the problem is, maybe I need to rethink the friendship. Feel better soon. You and your kids will make better friends. I know it!