Someone Save Me From My Stupidity

There is something about going home that brings out the crazy in all of us. Somehow, the fact that we have been gone from the town we grew up in gives us a certain kind of amnesia. At least it does me.

I will be taking the kiddos to my parent's house for two weeks. In preparation for our trip, I have emailed or called old friends so I can see as many people as possible in such a short period of time.

My time is going to be limited, and for some reason part of me has had the urge to call two people that I do not even speak to on a regular basis. I think I must have the Please Insult Me Further disease.

First is the girl with whom I was best friends in high school. We no longer see each other or send emails. Every other month or so, this girl will send out a mass email with pictures of her "cute" kids. I always reply saying something polite-but-cool. She never responds. She never asks how my kids are doing. But she will go and lurk on my other web page for a day or two and look at pictures of my kids there. Freak. Why I would even be tempted to find out if we are in town at the same time shows I must have a sick sense of self-punishment. I guess I want to see how she is in real life now, and how her kids are. Totally out of a self-serving need to compare myself and my kids to her and come away from it gloating. Bitchy, but I am being honest here.

Second is the deadbeat godfather of LittleBird. You can read about that whole mess here. I have been really torn as to whether or not I should let him know we are going to be in town. Since he has been such a shit and not been in touch at all, I want to say fuck it. But, I am still stupidly trying to be the bigger person here. So, I shot off an email before I could change my mind. We'll see what his response will be. I do not want to go back to my old job to see him because I have ZERO desire to see my old colleagues. Those harpies fed me to the wolves before I quit. I don't hate them for it, but neither do I want them lying to my face telling me how happy they are to see me.

So, I feel like a schmuck for reaching out to DBG, but maybe it will bring a little healing. Or I might just end up wanting to stick pins in an effigy of him. We shall see.