Looking Up

Moving across country every two years has made it hard to keep and maintain friendships. I didn't do so well in Tahoe. I didn't think I was all that different from the other moms, but somehow there was not a whole lot of clickage going on.

We are coming up on two years here in the DC area, and for the first time in a long time I have made friends with a few girls with whom I feel really comfortable. The shift from that mom whose kids play with my kids to friend has been gradual but satisfying. It has taken me a long time to learn that all friends don't have to be all things. Everyone has their strengths, and while it is nice when several strengths overlap, it doesn't happen all that often.

A few weeks back I met up with one of these friends at a local park. She has lived in the area a long time, so it is not uncommon for her to run into people she knows. Keeping an eye on the kids, I just sort of stood by while she chatted with someone she knew. At one point she put her arm around me and referred to me as one of her best friends.

She kept talking, but I swear to god the leaves stood still in the trees. There was a loud rush in my ears, then everything fell away until I could hear the clouds drifting overhead. No one has referred to me in that way in years. Years.

I needed a few hours to mull this whole statement over in my head. Not obsess about it, but work it through my ears and into my reality. So many of my adult friendships have been epic fails. I like this girl a lot, and we seem to get on really well. The fact that she feels so highly of me was a one-two slap to the face of the part of me that constantly sells myself short.

It is so easy to keep our eyes to the ground. We scurry after the hats and scarves and gloves our kids litter behind them as they move ever forward into the lives we create for them. For the first time in a long time I am looking up. I am meeting other eyes, and I see reflected back the substantial force that is me. And I have to say it is pretty fucking awesome.