Monday, November 30, 2009

Those Perilous Jacket Pockets

Ideally when the seasons change we wash and neatly fold the clothing no longer needed and exchange them for the new season. Or, as happens in our house, space needs to be made in closets and drawers so the outgoing seasonal clothes get shoved into boxes and bins and stored in the garage until next year. This means that every year when the winter jackets are hauled out going through the pockets is an adventure: the lipstick you've been looking six months to find, sticky cough drops you weigh the likelihood of poisonous or palatable.

A few years back we made an emergency trip to Minnesota for my other grandmother's funeral. Really cold weather had not yet descended upon us, so I grabbed my warmest coat to throw in my suitcase. During our stay in the windy subarctic suburbs of the Twin Cities, I was wholly unprepared for the runny nose and teary eyes that biting cold brings. At one point I dug into my jacket pockets to find the least crusty wad of tissue. I discreetly walked to the side in order to give my nose a good clearing. Wouldn't you just know that not only did I blow, but I cleaned my nose, if you get my drift.

This was all fine and good until about 45 seconds after I stuffed my tissue back in my pocket. What the hell was that smell? And why the fuck was my nose starting to burn? I pulled the wad back out of my pocket only to find that my "tissue" was actually a dryer sheet. I had blown my nose and scoured my sinus cavity with a dryer sheet. Now, there are many household items that can be repurposed, but this is not one of them. I spent the next six hours mouth breathing because the remaining scent in my nasal passages was so strong I believe I may have chemically burned my nose hairs off. It gave me a phenomenal headache to boot.

Therefore, the NATUI PSA of the day is to empty your coat pockets immediately. As in now. You will regret it if you don't. And no one likes a mouth breather no matter what the circumstance.


Cristin said...


Anonymous said...

Point well taken.

Chamuca said...

I'm allergic to fabric softener and dryer sheets, so this story makes me itch all over.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Holy crap. But hey, the inside of your nose was fresh, soft, and static-free, right? RIGHT?!?

I'll shut up now.

Patois42 said...

I'm with CMG: at least you didn't have the static. That time of year in that part of the country just calls for all those static electricity shocks.

Thanks for the PSA. I'll keep that in mind.

A Free Man said...

I like it when you find something in your winter jacket pocket that you've been looking for all summer.

Irrational Dad said...

Is this the point where big brother points and laughs?

I found a Hershey kiss in a coat that hadn't seen light in about 7 months. The decision to eat it was made before I had even done the math.