Tuesday, October 27, 2009


In spite of the drama involved in getting my grandmother's ashes, I still have not dealt with task of actually putting them in the urn.

First, I needed a funnel. The idea of pouring my grandmother into the container has been too much for me to handle, and so I have not. My husband did not see the point in my insistence on buying a funnel. He named several kitchen tools we have on hand, then had to listen to my illogical explanation as to why I could not have remnants of my grandmother's body on my kitchen utensils.

The funnel was purchased.

The next step was to get a proper sealant in which to secure the lid. Forgive me that when I run into the hardware store to grab an extension cord or cabinetry hardware that stopping an employee to discuss the pros and cons of their in-stock bonding agents slips my mind.

And so the months have passed. And so she sits. Still in the plastic baggie. Still in my bookcase. Some mornings I do, indeed, bring her a cup of coffee. The day wears on and beds need to be made, messes cleaned up. Suddenly those days have become months, and there she sits. Presiding over our daily activities from her living room perch.

On the days we walk home from school, my children scour the yards for dandelions. They love to pick them, and I never tell them no. I like to think of it as my neighborhood public service. We have tiny little Tupperware containers that, when not used for snacks, have been adopted as miniature vases for my children's nature collection. This particular day, my daughter rambled on and on once we get home could she get the little container and fill it with water so the flower could have water and... Of course, my dear. Whatever you like.

Key in the door. Shoes tucked in closets. I wrestle with backpacks and lunch boxes and preschool art. I've hardly made a dent when my daughter comes rushing up to me. See Mamma! I've put water in it and everything! Isn't it beautiful?

She'd clambered up onto the entertainment center shelf, found the empty "vase" filled it with water and put her flowers in it because she thought it would look so beautiful.

And it did.


Irrational Dad said...

Wait... YOU have to put the ashes in the urn? The... uhh... place didn't do that for you?

It is a beautiful bouquet and vase.

Shelley said...

Not only did I have to deal with my mom's ashes, I had to get all in there, mix them with wildflower seeds, divide said mixture into 4, and put into ziplocks so each of us could take part of strewing her earthly remains to the wind.

I'll admit I was skeeved out at first, but got over it after assuring myself it was what she has asked for.

Forget about labelling it as 'procrastination' - you will do this when your heart is ready to do this. Work on your own damn schedule.

A Free Man said...

Beautifully written, NATUI. As for the procrastination, you'll get there when you get there.

Anonymous said...

The Little Ones always know how to put life (and death) in perspective- even when they don't know they're doing it.

Take your time. There's no rush, no hurry. Meanwhile, enjoy the flowers and the precious Little Ones...

Patois42 said...

If you'd done this sooner, you wouldn't have had such a beautiful display of your daughter's flowers.

Chamuca said...

My mother almost set an extra seat at the table for my grandmother's ashes, last Thanksgiving.

Namely, because my grandfather was bringing his new girlfriend, and my grandmother hadn't even been dead for a year.

The best part is they were the ashes of my dad's mom, not my mom's.