Monday, August 17, 2009

This Means War

Things have been on the skids a bit here in the NATUI-household. Intermittent internet over the past few days has left me incommunicado with half the world. Hubbie left this morning for a week of "training". Training my ass. Five days with no kids or marital responsibility is called a vacation.

The past two weeks have also been fiction-turned-to-life hell. The sun goes down and our children turn into some kind of monster mutations of their daytime selves.

In the past, I have referred to them as boomerang children. You throw them in bed, they come right back out at you. Because of this, the baby gates have made a reappearance. Here are some of the scenarios that have occurred over the past two weeks:

  • both kids, gated in room
  • both kids, gated--LittleBird throws all her "things" over the gate, including her pillow and twin-sized duvet, climbs the gate and gets herself "set-up" to "relax" on our bed
  • LittleMan double-gated because he climbed over the gate to get out of his room
  • LittleBird is discovered pushing toys and books through the slit between the two gates to "help" her little brother. It's not like all he's got is a tin cup, for crying out loud.

It is maddening. Hubbie and I have not had a moment to ourselves in ages. Now he's on vacation, ahem, training, and so my father generously came into town to help out with the kids. Here is a photo as to what I found when I checked on them. LittleBird? Carried her duvet and pillow and book into my room. LittleMan? Climbed the gate, found a nasty pair of my dirty socks and snuggled in for his sister to read him a story. Why do they have to be so god-damned cute?

So please accept my sincerest apologies for being behind in blog reading and posting. After dealing with my two escape artists until 11.30 every night, I am exhausted. We are waging a war in this household. Something's gotta give, and it ain't gonna be me.


hollystar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hollystar said...

oh geez. well, i just put 17 pairs of underwear in the washing machine that my 3 year old pee'd through today as we stumble through potty "training". but those little underwear are so stickin cute!!!

deadbolts on the outside of their doors?!?!?!

Joe said...

Him wearing your socks makes me giggle...

One of my sales reps told me he removed the door handles of his kid's room, and re-installed them the other way so that he could effectively lock him in the room until he got the picture. He said that he unlocked the room every night before going to bed though, just in case. Worked like a charm for him, and don't think I haven't filed that away for possible future use.

Joe said...

I'm leaving a second comment because I forgot to click the little "email me when someone responds" button.... sorry.

only a movie said...

I don't miss the bedtime battle... Good luck w/out hubbie. Your dad is nice to be helping out.

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Woe is fucking you, sister. I feel your pain. At 12:08am I literally dragged Butter up the stairs - we're talking feet splayed out on the stairs with him pulling DOWN as I was pulling UP - and threw him into his bed. I had to sit guard so he wouldn't spring himself. The gates I have (top fucking dollar, sister!) don't work at all.

I hate the Sleep Wars.

After last night, I told my Pack Mule that we were going HARD CORE on this sleep thing. He has no choice. He's in it and will have to follow my directives if we're going to get Butter SLEEPING IN HIS OWN ROOM before I have to go back to work.

I have totally highjacked this post. Fuck. I HATE the Sleep Wars.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You know those door knob guards? Those fugly plastic things that make the doorknob too big for toddler hands to grip? One of those on the inside. Worked like a miracle.

Then, of course, there's the Joan Crawford method of strapping them down to the bed.

But of course, you want realistic ideas. I'll just go. Quietly.

restaurant refugee said...

I love this post, even if it does provide me with a great form of mental birth control. It's not that I don't love kids, just that I couldn't imagine dealing with them on a daily basis.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@hollystar: Thank god we are mainly past that point in potty training. And I agree, the little undies are so freaking cute. How can they be so tiny?

@Joe: The sock thing kind of makes me giggle, too, because he look so ridiculous. As for the door knobs, my kids would absolutely freak their shit out if we did that. I've considered it, but it just isn't worth the therapy bills.

@onlyamovie: Seriously, thank god for my dad. It has made a world of difference having an extra pair of hands in the daytime.

@WishyWashy: I actually have no issue with our daughter sleeping with us, but we laid down the law that she has to start in her bed. If she is awake when it is time for us to hit the hay, she can join us. She is asleep 9 times out of 10, and we know she will wander in at some point. I wish you luck, my friend. We have lots of tricks if you want to pick my brain via email.

@CMGD: We have joked about the strapping down thing. As with the turning of the door handles, my kids are so sensitive I think the flip out would be worse than what we are dealing with right now. As they get older, this idea may totally be back on the table.

@RestaurantRef: I felt that way about kids until I had them. And in all honesty, sometimes I still do. :)

faemom said...

Been there! You can do it, serg! The family advice is "Three times." Do it three times in a row and they know you mean business. Of course, sometimes it takes longer, like with my kid and probably with yours, but understand they can be beaten. I would read with a book right outside the door, waiting to capture the prisoner.

A Free Man said...

Yeah, we're fighting with Zach right now about moving into a bed ahead of the baby's arrival. Sinead's willing to go to war, I'm a bit more of a pacifist. Right now, nobody's winning. I hope you have better luck!

Creepy said...

You're gonna hate me. My kids LOVE going to bed.

But to make you feel better, Graham covered most of the downstairs in poop this morning.

Patois said...

No offer of suggestions. Just loads of empathetic nods of agreement.