Thursday, May 28, 2009

Where's the Child Catcher When You Need Him?

My dad is in town, and we hit our favorite thrift shop in search of treasure. This place is as big as a department store, and laid out as such. I ended up in the bicycle section and found the perfect-sized tiny bike for LittleMan. As I was poking around, this fucking little brat little girl pulled a tricycle down off of the hanging rack, nearly cracking her head open in the process. She proceeded to ride it around the aisle for about a minute, then discarded it in the middle of the walkway to pull down another bike.

I told her to put the tricycle back where it belonged so that no one would get hurt. She stared at me, then actually put it away.

There was a tiny little bike leaning against the racks, so I walked over to see if it would fit LittleBird, the fucking little brat little girl grabbed it and said I got here first.

Oh yes, she did.

I told her this was not a place to ride bikes, and that I was going to see if it fit my children and wrenched it out of her grubby little hands.

As we measured the kids on different bikes, she walked around us continuing to pull bikes off of the overhead racks. My kids kept asking why she was making such bad choices and wondering where her parents were. Indeed.

The moment of truth came when we had decided on a bike for LittleBird. I had it in my hands standing next to our shopping carts when the fucking little brat grade-schooler with a deathwish came up to me, put her hands on the bike, told me it was her turn and tried to pull it out of my hands.

I thought my dad was going to have a stroke.

I stayed calm and explained to her that we were buying it, no it was certainly not her turn and to go and find her parents.

My question is not where her parents were, but where is the Child Catcher when you need him? Do you remember that character? From Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? The guy who lured the children with sweets? Snatched them up with a net and threw them in a cage? That was some scary shit as a kid, and I find myself wishing more and more wishing that someone like him were around to teach these damn kids a lesson.


Tuli said...

Sounds like bratty gal needs to be taught some manners.

And how excited is LittleMan to have a bike?!

Anonymous said...

Damn, I want me a child catcher too! I will unleash him on the rude and unruly members of the student populace at Entitled Jr High where I work. He will be fully employed for generations.

Joe said...

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Never seen it. Is this a girly movie?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Wow. Amazing attitude. I wonder if her parents had been there, would she have acted that way and if so, would they have been horrified? I wonder...

Anonymous said...

Ugh...sounds like the child that used to live next door to us. We moved.

The Van Goat Ranch said...

OMG! That is fucking hilarious! Are you even old enough to know about the child catcher? I've seen your picture - you're a baby!!!!lol:)

A Free Man said...

Bad parenting is such a pleasure to experience, no?

Rassles said...

There are very little things in live that will make you feel better about yourself than knowing you're a better parent than someone else. Or so I hear.

Gypsy said...

Duuuude. My mom would have jerked a knot in my so fast if I'd behaved like that.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Tuli: He is super excited, except now that we are travelling he can't use it for another three weeks!

@Caroline67: Yes, talk about job security.

@Joe: It's from 1968 with Dick Van Dyke. It was great as a kid, as an adult? I doubt it. However, there is a LOT of adult sexual humor in it. The main female character's name is Truly Scrumptious. ;P

@CMGD: I seriously doubt it.

@hereinfranklin: Lucky you! LOL

@TheVanGoatRanch: Oh yeah! We are ALL about the movies and musicals of this era. My kids' favorite movie for ages was Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

@AFreeMan: It is excellent blog fodder.

@Rassles: Very well said.

@Gypsy: I thought my dad was going to slap her across the face.