Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Suck It In and Suck It Up

Of the two people in my family that I loathe the most, my asshole uncle is one.

The other is coming to my sister's baby shower this weekend.

LittleBird and I are flying to the ATL tomorrow to celebrate my sister getting knocked up and having a shotgun wedding hurry up before the baby is born the newest addition to our family.

My cousin, Nurse Ratched, is invited. She and my sister get on like flies on shit. The two of them together are like the girls in Heathers except bitter, overweight, insecure and unpopular. My sister (and I use that term loosely), is already seeming to turn into the mom-to-be version of Bridezilla. It is going to be a long fucking weekend, folks. The idea of my going down early was for LittleBird to play with her cousin. Oh wouldn't that be adorable, my mom effused.

I agreed wholeheartedly until last night when I realized three days of LittleBird playing with her cousin meant three days of me in my cousin's company. Though the fact she usually foists her child off on others may work in my favor this time.

I doubt I am going to have any time to blog in the depth that I need to stay sane, but I promise to take notes. I am sure it will make for snarky, completely judgmental parenting posts on my part in the future. Instead, I just added my mobile phone to my Twitter account.*

My goal is to get through the weekend with my head down, my eyes permantly rolled up into my head and my fingers bleeding from bitchy tweets that save my sanity. See you on the other side, my friends.

*Of which if you would like to follow, the link is in my sidebar


Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

Have you done the "Dear Lord, grant me the strength.." prayer yet? I'll say one for you too!

WM said...

Sounds like more fun then a barrel of monkeys.

I think you should just drink tons or pray like Joe said. Or maybe a little of both...

Oh and maybe I'm completely dumb but I don't see your Twitter link... I'm @twinmomoftwinz if you wanna follow me.

WM said...

Nevermind. I found it now...and yes I'm confirming that I am completely dumb

buddha_girl said...

I will willingly share my AMAZING sisters with you. No one should have a shitty sister.

Let's hope she dumps any and all children on you so you can surround yourself with people so much more mature and meaningful than she and Nursie gal.

A Free Man said...

Good luck with that. Heathers! What a great film.

You may have just given me the only decent reason for the existence of Twitter that I've ever heard.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Joe: That is actually a great idea. Esp. the version about choking the shit out of them. ;)

@WM: Nah. You aren't completely dumb. I'm tricky like that.

@BuddhaGirl: I have to say that every time I read about you and your sisters I feel a pang of jealousy. Happiness for you, of course, but sadness for myself because I KNOW what I am missing.

@A Free Man: I never really got the whole Twitter thing, and I resisted like hell until last month. Considering how many doctors offices, school functions and family functions I have to attend, I think it may be a good outlet. Sometimes there isn't a whole post there, just a bitchy comment, ya know?

Patois said...

I can't wait to read those tweets. Thank God for an outlet, right? Otherwise, we'd have to grab those shotguns used for the weddings and...

Oops, don't want any authorities called on me.

Gypsy said...

May the force be with you.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Dude. I so wish I wasn't busy tomorrow night so we could hang. This whole "responsible parent" thing? Blows.

Love you, hon. Hang in there.

Sherrie said...

Good luck, me and my cousin hate each other, I may go into it one day,but it erupted after my grandmother died. Ive been on holiday and didnt know. Giant hugs and thinking of you.