Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Vulcan Nerve Pinch Gone Awry

Those of us who have pets know that it is a love/hate relationship. We love when they snuggle with us, we hate it when they eat their own shit and regurgitate it onto the carpet.

Our Birman is a sweet cat. He likes to cuddle, to the point of irritation. Several nights a week he jumps up on the bed and wants to sleep on me. Not next to me. On me. My arm, to be specific. I have to cradle my arm a certain way for him to settle down. If I don't, the Siamese genetic component to his breed gives him a yowl that would wake the dead. This ritual usually starts one way and ends in one of two: I thrash around with my arm trying to find his head. If I scrunch his ears and under his chin and he settles down next to me, we're golden. Otherwise, I knock him off the bed.

A few nights ago, I felt him jump up. He walked the length of my bed and began to pace and turn next to my pillow. I tried to ignore him, but a few kitty chirps turned yowl got my attention. I reached around behind me to get him to shut the fuck up. I grabbed him and, just like you'd tousle a dog's ear, I tried to get him to settle down.

But something didn't feel right.

I turned my head, and...well, I'll be plain about it. I had him by the asshole and what was left of his testicles. Just pinching and scrunching away.

He was quiet, though.


Tuli said...

Holy cow that's funny. I 'bout shot the water I was drinking out my nose.

RiverPoet said...

Oh girl...I was laughing so hard! I did something similar the other day with my little Russian Blue mix. I thought I was petting her nose, but it turned out to be at the other end. I have never washed so hard.

Beautiful cat you have there, though. They are peculiar animals, aren't they?

Peace - D

Gypsy said...

Oh, that is so, so wrong. And so, so hilarious.

Krishanna said...

Ah- HAHAHAHAA! I have a 25 LB cat who must sleep like that while I am sitting in my recliner or lying in bed. If I do not allow this, I get the butthole in my face, tail UP. Mine is much like the Birman, except he is not at all Siamese. Turkish Angora. LOL

buddha_girl said...


Better you than me!

We have a chocolate lab. Buddha likes to point out the obvious every couple of days:

Ranger's got a BIG P-man, Mommy!

Joe said...

I probably would have vomited.

A big fear of mine is Tyler getting curious about what's just under Delilah's tail. I don't want to walk in the room and see him poking around that area...