Saturday, October 11, 2008

William Kirby, I Am Not

Hubbie just came out of the garage and interrupted my blogging to ask me about crickets.

How long are we going to have them? he asked.

I responded with a bitchy and sarcastic What?

Have you seen them out there? They're all over the place! And they're huge! How long are they going to be out there?

To which I responded: Why the hell would I know the lifespan of a cricket?

Sadly, it doesn't end there.

In the NATUI household, that question begs an answer. So, I looked it up (and no, I am not ashamed to admit this is how we spend our Friday nights) and came to Yahoo Answers.

The question posed? Classic. The answers? Hilarious.

I thought I would share a few of them here. These are my kind of people! And while the answers are funny enough on their own, I could not resist a little commentary.

What is the life span of a cricket?

Forever posed the question and extrapolated: One must have gotten into my house and I can hear it chirping all the time but I can never find long till it dies?

(NATUI: No scientific inquiry. No thirst for knowledge. Just straight up when will the mother fucker be dead. Love it!)

Are you 100% sure it's a cricket? We've been hearing this cricket-like noise at work and one of my coworkers just pointed out that it's actually the vibrations from the air conditioner...and sure enough it's the metal vibrating!

(NATUI: I guess you need to quit drinking at work because who the fuck confuses the air conditioner with a cricket.)

not long when some one steps on it...

(NATUI: Or leave it hopping about the living room for the cats to find)

depends on whether or not you feed it...but once you name it, it's yours

(NATUI: Especially if you name it xxopheli...)

My crickets live happily in their cage for around 8 months, with good care. Did you know they shed their skin and are white after first emerging from their skin? Then they are a chocolate brown and finally the are black after a few hours.

Also, most of them will not be affected if they lose a front or side leg, but if one loses his back leg, he goes over to his water bowl and drowns himself! All I had did this but one, and he was young and he survived without his back leg. Amazing creatures!

(NATUI: Maybe they all drowned themselves because they were terrified of the giant hand that kept coming through the bars of their cage and plucking their legs off)

I donno, but i hate crickets.Just follow the sound of the chirping and try to find it.

(NATUI: What a brilliant suggestion! I'm sure it never crossed the OP's mind to actually walk around her house and look for the damned thing. Thank god we have you here to give advice.)

You can find the full answers here.


A Free Man said...

It's amazing what blogs have done in terms of getting accurate information on the internet. For example, someone landed on my blog today asking "Can a Canada Goose kill a full grown man?"

I just don't know.

Joe said...

@AFM... That's HILARIOUS!!

We've got those huge black crickets. They're everywhere. I can usually find a horde of them under our garbage can next to the garage. There's also a bunch IN the garage.

Delilah LOVES eating them. I figure the protein is good for her.

Patois said...

I have really got to check out Yahoo answers more frequently for entertainment. Love your reaction to delise.

Jay said...

I love crickets! And I found one outside recently missing one of his back legs and he was still alive and hadn't drowned himself in his water bowl or anything.

Of course, he doesn't actually have a water bowl... do you think I should have offered him one?

Gypsy said...

I can't tell you how many times a day Lancelot and I get into an argument and he instructs me to "look it up." It is chronic, I tell you.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@Afreeman: Please do not experiment with that hypothesis. That would be taking science and video a tad too far.

@Joe: I wish my cats would eat them. My cat food bill would be cheaper.

@Patois: I agree. I had no idea it was such a goldmine for entertainment.

@Jay: I love the big black ones, too. You could have offered him the bowl, but I'm sure he was thinking more along the lines of "Did you see that scary Delise woman?"

@Gypsy: The sad thing here is that he didn't ask me to look it up. I just had to for my own peace of mind.