Friday, October 24, 2008

The Playground Bouncer

I owe Coalminer Heather an apology and a hearing exam.

I took my kids to the playground today. I needed to get them out of the house. I needed to get out of the house.

While they galloped around me in the crisp autumn air, I gave Coalminer Heather a ring to catch up on loads of girlie talk.

The conversation went well until I shrieked in her ear.

Three fucking little brats had come storming into the toddler play area (which is gated-off, no less) and one of the boys had hoisted up the sand table and was about to dump all of the sand into the mulch.

Now, this playground is the playground where my kids attend school. Their tuition pays for this equipment, including the ├╝ber-expensive sandbox sand they have delivered.

So when Fuckwad #1 lifted the sand table and tried to upend it, I shrieked HEY!! THAT IS A SAND AND WATER TABLE! YOU DO NOT DUMP THAT SAND ON THE GROUND!!

And I totally had the mom-finger pointing at him.

The kid stopped and looked at me.

On my Bluetooth? CMGD egging me on: You GO girl!! Tell him!!

She heard the entire exchange with the kid and got to hear me rant how the mother was on the other side of the playground and didn't do a damned thing.

So, Heather, I apologize for shrieking in your ear and making you listen to me rip that little fucker a new one.

There were several lessons learned this afternoon.

LittleBird learned that big kids make bad choices. She learned that moms make bad choices. When Hubbie came home she told him That boy's mamma made a bad choice and she should have told him "you get outta here!"

Fuckwad Brothers and their friend learned that I am going to call them on their shit.

I learned that Mamma Bear will snap out in a split second. Don't fuck with NATUI. Don't fuck with the NATUI kids. Don't fuck with the playground that I pay for.

What did Coalminer Heather learn? I'll leave that to her to relay.


Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

I'm in awe of Mama NATUI Bear.

And a teensy bit afraid...

A Free Man said...

What's the difference between NATUI and a pit bull?

Well, you know...

Sorry, couldn't resist. Goodonya.

SSG said...

Hahah sweet, man i wish i had been there to see that, hope the other mum learned a lesson. And yeah, No-one mess with NATUI, yeah! I would so have been egging you on, or standing with my arms crossed and giving the look to those other kids beside ya! Sweeet!
(err, how old were they?)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

@The Baroness: Awe isn't necessary, neither is fear. I doubt you'd find yourself climbing on top of a playstructure and shaking the shit out of it.

@A Free Man: Your comment nearly gave me a seizure.

@SSG: And I would have loved for you to have been there to take on the mom. She is 100% willfully ignorant of her children's behavior. And these kids were around 8 and 10 years old. And one of them even sassed me.

RiverPoet said...

Wow - you go girl! Where was THEIR mama in all of this??


Patois said...

I absolutely hate it when a shithead's mother ignores such action. But I guess it explains a bit as to why he/she is a shithead.

.:| Melissa |:. said...


I'm just like you, when it comes to that kind of shit!! I've been known to run my mouth, more than once, when I see children doing wrong!! Parent(s) around, or not!!

I have called the police on kids, and even took some to court, because of their actions!!

Their mothers, ... well, I think they were too busy "hooking it" to get their next crack high!! Father's in jail/prison. Yea, hadda deal with THOSE kind of kids!! The kind that run around with absolutely NO parental supervision!!

But, I let them know that under NO uncertain terms was I going to put up with their bullshit! EVER!

Little fucknutz!

In fact, I think all of those kids (now grown up) are drug addicts, thieves, social rejects, and are in jail/prison!! Just like their parents! NO joke!


Sad, but true!

At least they knew not to fuck with me and mine anymore!

Gypsy said...

The mom finger? Dude. You weren't playin', were you?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I was sitting on the phone, thinking, "Yeah, YEAH! Fuckin' A! Tell that little shit! Hell yes!"

I was contained. You were awesome. :)