This Weekend, Drinks Are On Me

Ladies and gentlemen, after the absolute shite day I have had, drinks are on me.

Note: If you put your cursor over the link, you can read the ingredients of each drink without actually having to go off-site.**

We start with an Old Crusty in honor of LittleBird waking up with her eyes crusted over and handing me her eye boogers.

Next, the Dumbfuck for LittleBird's teacher giving me a lecture about sunblock, its application, and their legal standpoint on the issue.

Adding injury to insult, our bartender serves a Silver Spider in honor of the nasty, mean-looking spider on my stroller that jumped out of the tray and down onto LittleMan's jacket. Then down in his seat. We drink to the sharp and jagged death he suffered at my hands.

Then we come to the Teacher's Pet, for the phone call I got from the school stating that everyone is convinced that LittleBird has pink eye, and that I need to come and get her.

Feeling this popular with the school staff only naturally leads to a Buttfuck for the $25 additional fee the doctor's office wanted to charge me for being a walk-in. An extra round for the receptionist fully admitting that if I walked outside into the hallway and called from my cell phone that would be considered "making an appointment."

You can take a 30 minute breather until you get served a Damn Right for calling the school to tell them it wasn't pink eye, fuck you very much.

Don't let your ego get the best of you because here comes an Old Lady paired with a Shut The Hell Up dedicated to the cranky old bitch at the CVS that yelled at me, telling me I was a terrible parent for feeding my kids potato chips while sitting on the floor. I hope they got your dosage wrong, bitch.

No chance to recoup--time for the kick me while I'm down Million Dollar Cocktail for the pharmaceutical company charging me $70 for the We-Do-Not-Make-This-In-Generic eye drops for LittleBird.

Time for a bite to eat to help balance out this liquor? Nope! Next you get served A Chicken Drop for the first and only bite of chicken nugget LittleMan took, spat onto my chest after chewing it up, and then refusing all other food.

On a softer note, our next round involves Sweet Dreams paired with a Green Eyes because LittleBird actually fell asleep after I administered her eye drops.

Don't think you get to rest too long because next it is time to stagger across the floor for a Fiery Kiss. We get to drink this one for my doing the kiss test on LittleMan's forehead only to come to the realization that he had woken up with 103.8 fever.

You get to stand on the bar and cheer for a Homecoming and can I get an Alleluia because Hubbie came home from work, and it's Friday thank fucking god.

Then, we need a Grocery Boy in honor of the sweet little teen-aged Lebanese cashier who took my money and made me smile when I bought LittleMan's fever medicine.

We top off the night with a Sicilian Kiss for the Sicilian CPK pizza we cooked.

For dessert? A Detroit Red Wing in honor of the Red Wings vs. Predators game Hubbie watched while I blogged.

Last but not least, for your aching heads and my sleep-crazed daughter, a Lay Down and Shut Up!

**On a more serious note, it took me fucking ages to get the rollover coding right for this post. So go back, look at all the ingredients, and have yourself a drink on me. Even if you don't, lie to me and tell me you did.