Friday, September 7, 2007

WonderGirl: It Wasn't Me, Officer

Another day, another WonderGirl story.

This one happened quite some time ago. However, it is quintessential WonderGirl and bears repeating.

WonderGirl got a speeding ticket. Not a shock to me because WonderGirl has a pretty crappy driving record. I would never trust the lives of my children with her, and I do not say that merely for the sake of a laugh on my blog. I really wouldn't.

She left her parents house one morning to go to work. She teaches school in a town a good distance away (yes, she is a school teacher...pausing to let that horror sink in...)

She must cross a major highway on her route. This is a state highway, no median. Two lanes in each direction, turn lane in the middle. Lots of traffic in the AM. LOTS. Meaning you actually have to stop, look both directions, wait forEVER, and then try and zip across before someone t-bones your car.

She drives a Toyota Echo at the time, and she got a ticket for going nearly 70 in a 35mph zone.

Here are the kickers:

She swears the cop must have been waiting for her. Rotten bastard. Doesn't he have anything better to do that make her late for work?

She swears that she was only a little bit away from the stop sign when he caught her.

Her cell phone was out of charge, so she tells the ticketing officer that he had better call her principal and tell him why she was going to be late and not be in her classroom on time because he pulled her over and that she was not going to get into trouble because the officer made her late.

Oh. My. God.

Seriously, what are you smoking?

There are so many things wrong with this picture that I barely know where to start. An Echo is not a sports car. An Echo does not go zero to 70 in the distance she claims. My hubbie and I have taken to calling the vehicle the Poor Man's Porsche.

Secondly, she is lucky she only got off with a ticket. She is lucky that cop did not arrest her for stupidity in public.

Thirdly, the red thread that runs through all of her misadventures. Just say it was your fault. Laugh it off and say Awwwwww fuck!! I got caught this time!! Then we can all have a laugh and talk about the times we got caught, or how we were lucky enough not to. Graciously (or not so graciously) take the ticket and be done with it. You were speeding, you got caught. Too damned bad.

Of course, she had every excuse to tell us how it wasn't her fault. Whatever, chick. You got busted. Shrug your shoulders, laugh it off, pay the fine.