Still Not One Of the Cool Kids

There have been several conversations in our house lately about friendships. How to maintain them, how to create them, when it is time to let one go.

Last night I had an interesting conversation with a friend where I retold a childhood story I had not thought of in years.

The girl across the street from me was friends with me when it was convenient for her. When there was no one else to play with. It was always that way, and it took a long time for me to realize that was not how a friendship was supposed to be maintained.

Sadly, looking back, I can see where I was the "peacemaker" even back then. Doing or saying things to cull her favor.

She was the first person I knew whose parents went through a divorce. She would go to see her dad on certain weekends in another city, and she promised me on more than one occasion that I could go with her one weekend. That we would have so much fun.

She never actually asked me to come with her, though. And one day I learned that one of the girls from our dance class had gone with her to see her dad over one of her weekend visits.

I actually gathered up the nerve to ask her why she kept promising to invite me along, but took this girl instead. She looked at me and said, "You just aren't cool enough."

Part of me felt sad. The other part of me knew it was true.

Such is the drama of girls in junior high.

In the retelling of this story, it gave me the opportunity to analyze how I handle my friendships in my adult life.

Sometimes, when I am not watchful, I am still that kid. Somehow, I still manage to find myself in similar situations.

Over the summer, I suggested to one of my mom friends that we take a trip together with our kids.. I have the money and the means to go, and I thought it would be fun if the two of us took the kids for a week or two this autumn.

She said that sounded like a lot of fun, but the topic hasn't really come up lately.

Until last week.

In a phone conversation, she said that she and another mom were taking the kids on a trip together. The same trip I suggested.

I don't even have the energy to be sad about it. I am really not surprised. This other mom is very cool. I really like her a lot. I do not know the circumstances under which this trip was planned, so I do no fault her. She and her family have lots of money, lots of contacts. And my mom-friend seems to gravitate towards that more that just regular people like myself and my family. It was how she was raised. So in a way, I can't fault her, either. She is doing what she always does. I have learned to expect it.

It just makes me realize that I am still that same nerdy, gawky kid. I think differently. What I consider important is not what the rest of the sheeple consider important. It is my own fault for thinking I could blend in.

Somehow, I thought having kids the same age would mean that we had things in common. That I would finally find a few meaningful friendships with women.

No one told me that when I left high school, that the cliques of Motherhood were right around the corner.

I didn't fit in then. And I certainly don't now.

This was a good wakeup call for me. I hope I do not forget about it soon. Not so that I hold any hard feelings, but so that I do not put myself into that situation again.

I am cool in my own way. I am odd. I am offbeat. I have my own unique thing to offer. It is just a matter of finding people who appreciate it.

As long as I can keep that perspective, I think I will be okay. I didn't sell my soul as a kid or teenager, and I am not about to start now.